At Least I Didn’t Get Peed on by the Partridge

We have a pear tree in our yard (*pause for partridge jokes*), and I don’t know what kind of pears those are but they’re SO YUMMY. But we also have an apple tree, and the apple tree has gotten unpruned enough (*pause for prune jokes*) that it’s shouldering out the pear tree, and this year the pear tree has produced eight pears (usual is several dozen), way up high where I can’t reach them but neither can the apple tree so I guess I can see the pear tree’s point.

The pears are ripening, and I’ve lost two because they fell and birds/bugs/rot got them. So today I had the GENIUS IDEA to lightly SHAKE the tree, and then any ripe pears would fall down to me and I could get to them before anything else did. I shook the tree; a pear fell down; I AM A PEAR-HARVESTING GENIUS. I shook the tree again, and a pear beaned me (*pause for bean/fruit jokes*) right in the upturned eyebrow. It hit so hard, everything went black for a few seconds. (Or maybe I just closed my eyes when a pear hit half an inch away from them, whatever.) Now my eyebrow is puffy and sore…and sticky. Stop laughing—that pear was REALLY HIGH UP.

9 thoughts on “At Least I Didn’t Get Peed on by the Partridge

  1. MzEll

    hehehe. When I was a toddler, we lived in a house that had an apple, a peach, and a cherry tree, plus a grapevine. One afternoon, my Dad climbed the tree to harvest the peaches and they all fell on my head (he shook the tree)! I was a peach smoothie for reals.

    I hope your eyebrow feels better, Mama, and you get more of your yummy pears without injury!

    Reply
  2. Kelly

    my parents used to have this contraption they made to get the avocados they couldn’t reach. it was something like a broom stick with a tin can somehow attached to the end (duck tape maybe would work. I love duck tape!!) Not sure if they sort of roughed up the leading edge of the tin can or something so it would cut the stem easily but they just raised that sucker up and the avocados fell into the can.

    maybe like a large peaches can, not a regular soup can…

    I wish I had fruit trees. I have fruit envy.

    Reply
  3. TinaNZ

    Ahh I know the sort of thing Kelly mentioned, our elderly neighbours had one for their plum tree. You get a tin can with the top removed, and in the side of it you cut a V-shaped notch. You then attach the can to the end of a long pole, with the open, V-notched end at the top (if you hold the pole in the air, that is – I really want to draw a picture here). So then you can position the can under the fruit, with the stem in the V part. A sharp upward jab should cut the stem and the fruit falls into the can (and not on your head), so it won’t get bruised either (the fruit OR your head).

    Reply

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