Next Up: Hoarding the Last of the Milk

I bought a package of Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs yesterday. I’m so conflicted: I want to eat one SO BAD, but if I open the package and start eating them, they’ll be gone and then I won’t have any more. Also: it’s still technically breakfast time.

I have this same problem with almost everything. It’s probably the borderline version of whatever inspires people to save every newspaper and magazine and piece of junk mail in huge teetering moldering piles until eventually the piles start falling and they crush the person domino-style.

If I have a little left of a “special” moisturizer or conditioner, it’s hard to use it. I end up saving it until it’s all dried out or gross or something. I must have…well, I’ll just go count and save us all the agonized guessing. Hang on. BRB. Okay, I have three—THREE—bottles of “special” conditioner with about three servings left per bottle.

(Putting “special” in quotes like that makes it look like I’m talking suggestively. NO. I just mean, like, my Aussie 3 Minute Miracle Reconstructor DEEEEP is “special,” but my Suave Professionals Color Care ‘Protects as well as Biolage’ Conditioner is “not.”)

If we’re down to the last few bags of chocolate chips, I start feeling anxious and squirrely about using them. Bags 3, 2, and 1, are THE SAME VALUE as bags 6, 5, and 4 were, and yet…I really like to buy fresh bags 3, 2, and 1, before I use the bags formerly known as 3, 2, and 1. My pantry is…generously stocked. I am a fretter, but I rarely fret about what we would do if we couldn’t leave the house for a week because of natural disaster or zombies or whatever. We’d have plenty of food. In fact, come on over, we have enough for you too.

Clearly this is a little psychological glitch. Probably therapy is unnecessary, but a little practice at home wouldn’t hurt: using the SECOND to last bag of chocolate chips before restocking, for example. …Well, THIRD to last. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I also think it would be valuable to open that package of Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs.

52 thoughts on “Next Up: Hoarding the Last of the Milk

  1. Sarah

    You know, I am kind of the same way. For me, it comes from growing up in the country. If you run out of toothpaste or TP in the country, getting more involved a twenty minute drive so you’re always sure to have extra on hand. For example, we have the tube of toothpaste we’re working on, but when we crack into the ‘spare’ then toothpaste goes on my list for the next shopping trip.

    Since moving to town as an adult, I’ve been able to wean myself out of have a ‘deep’ pool of extras, but I find that having at least SOME backup is just good sense.

    Reply
  2. Nowheymama

    I get this way about food, especially the allergen-free stuff. And if SOMEONE *coughhusbandcough* drinks the last of the soymilk or eats the last dairy-free cookies, I go a little berserk.

    Reply
  3. pseudostoops

    I do this too, but only with certain things: cereal (always has to be at least 2 boxes in the house or I get a little twitchy), hand soap (you can never have too much), cookies (obviously).

    Reply
  4. Sally

    It seems like this could apply to babies, too. Like, the first child’s babyhood is precious, but you really want to hold on to every second of the last child’s babyhood more, because it’s the last you get. I don’t know, I only have twins, but it seems like it could work that way.

    Reply
  5. ColorCodedC

    I’ve always done that, too. Like when I was little and separated my candy into categories, saving (of course!) my favorite things for last. Moving in with my boyfriend definitely has me on HIGHER ALERT now with all my favorite foods, though. It’s suddenly very risky business to save a little bit of something I love for later!

    Reply
  6. Katie

    There must be an evolutionary reason for this….

    I run out of some stuff all the the time (shaving cream) but some stuff stays in the pantry forever (rice).

    I wish I could eat one of those peanut butter eggs RIGHT NOW. Yum.de

    Reply
  7. clueless but hopeful mama

    HAHA. I am this way too and I have no explanation or excuse for it, like growing up in the country or during the Depression.

    When we were prepping our house to sell it last month, I had to clean out our cupboard so that potential buyers could check it out and not die in an avalanche of chocolate chips and tomato soup cans. That meant only having ONE of everything instead of FIVE. This made me extremely squirrely. Now, I’ve kind of settled into it a bit and I’m not so squirrely. BUT, if left to my own devices, I will still chose to have FIVE of everything JUST IN CASE.

    Reply
  8. Erin

    I do this too, really bad. My husband does NOT have this problem, so with food items, he’ll eat the last three of something without flinching. It drives me crazy sometimes because I don’t realize that OH NO! Our chocolate chip supply has RUN DRY!

    This is a major problem with any special moisturizer, shampoo, etc. I get some fancy sample of something and I will hold onto it for YEARS until it’s too old and I never even used it and I throw it away. I’m waiting for the right occasion but my life has very few Occasions.

    Reply
  9. Raven

    I have been eating one of those eggs for my mid-morning snack every day for long enough to go through two packages (in my defense, the husband had two of my first package though it killed me to share). The eggs are a more perfect combination of chocolate (I get the fudge variety) and peanut butter to me than regular Reese’s. I can’t WAIT until they are avail every Easter and the other day I bought MOUND’S eggs. I was so stressed yesterday, I ate two.

    Reply
  10. Jiff

    I am a stocker, too. I always have one on hand and when the first one runs out, I put out the backup and then go buy a new one for the backup. I can’t stock too much of everything because my house isn’t big (only 1200sqft). But I do keep a ton of toilet paper, baby meds, and laundry detergent. :)

    Reply
  11. Tess

    I don’t do this so much with FOOD (except for wine), but I definitely do it with beauty products, and even OFFICE SUPPLIES. I’ve been hoarding notecards for YEARS, even though THEY HAVE NO ACTUAL VALUE unless you, you know, USE them.

    Reply
  12. Lippy

    I just counted and we have 9 boxes of open cereal and 9 on standby. The main reason we picked this house? A walk-in pantry that is completely full, we also have a storage cabinet in the garage for more cans of soup and ravioli. And an extra fridge and freezer. Two stockpilers should not marry! We are all self-congratulatory every time the toothpaste runs out and we pull a new one from the six pack we got at Sam’s. Then we wonder why our 5 year old won’t away old boxes, hoarding is genetic. My favorite easter candy is the cadbury mini eggs. MMMMMM crispy candy coating, yummy chocolate. Sadly no candy for me with gestational diabetes. booooooo. Eat a peanut butter egg for me.

    Reply
  13. Jenny

    I do that with makeup and samples of beauty products. I know it’s really rather ridiculous, but I still find myself doing it.

    And, ah, peanut butter eggs! For some reason I find them so much more delicious than their ordinary counterparts. I think you should open the bag and go for it – eggs ARE a part of breakfast, you know.

    Reply
  14. Erica

    I think you ought to open those Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs and eat some. You know, as a theraputic exercise.

    Because you know you’ll be buying more at Target the day after Easter at 75% off.

    Reply
  15. Lindsay

    I personally love Cadbury Creme Eggs. I am not a hoarder, although I feel your squirelliness. I suggest running out of TP or toothpaste once, just to try it. You can always wipe with kleenex or brush with baking soda. Life does not end when you run out of things, and it is kind of refreshing to learn that.
    L

    Reply
  16. Heidi

    Yeah, me too. It’s bad. If you could see my pantry… I’m a super-stockpiler. Example, I just bought 6 tubes of toothpaste the other day because I think Crest is going to discontinue my favorite flavor. (Paranoia based on fact that Walmart no longer carries it.) I’m probably going to buy 6 more tubes today after work.

    Reply
  17. 1hottiredmama

    I used to have these same tendencies (and some days I still revert to them) until one day when my husband said — “That’s money in that cupboard. If you don’t use it (like the conditioner) you’ll just be throwing money in the trash” Well, that really got me thinking. Everything I overstock is just money in the cupboard when it COULD be money in my savings account. It’s hard, but I’m trying to only have the necessities in the house. I still buy in bulk because we are a family of 6 and that only makes sense. I also still buy things on clearance that we might not need yet, but we will need because that makes sense too. But I have stopped over-buying luxury type items such as shampoo, body wash, chocolate. etc. and I’ve tried to put a little extra money in our savings account. I still feel like I get to hoard a little something only now it’s money in the bank!

    Reply
  18. Tara

    My big can’t-run-out, get-twitchy-if-we-get-low item is toilet paper. Charmin Ultra Soft, to be exact (I have a delicate nether region, after all). I get less worked up over other things, but I understand where you’re coming from.

    But I SO want to come live with you, so you can be my instructor & sage in the art of keeping multiple bags of chocolate chips on hand at all times. I only buy them when I know I’m going to use them in a specific recipe in the coming week, which is sad, because sometimes you just need to eat some chocolate chips, you know?

    Reply
  19. parkingathome

    I tend to be the person that doesn’t even use the “nice” things AT ALL for fear that they’ll run out. I’ve begun working on that with a bottle of perfume.

    Also, do you agree that the reese’s eggs are SO MUCH BETTER than the regular cups? We stockpile after easter clearance candy for this reason. But that’s a necessity! (we still have some from last year…)

    Reply
  20. Shari

    Huh, I always thought it was an only child thing. My easter candy always lasted until halloween, and the halloween candy until easter. I’ve been known to take ONE BITE from a candy bar, and wrap the rest for “later”. In fact, if something is particularly delicious, it will turn stale/moldy/off while I am still savoring it. The horrors! Living with a husband who was one of three boys has cured me somewhat of the “savoring”, and he tends to eat most of my hoarded candy, but I still have more shampoo/canned goods/diapers/etc. than we will use in the foreseeable future. The only thing we ever run out of is pasta sauce…every time I see it in the store, I think, oh, we have plenty of jars, I just bought 10 last time they were on sale. Alas, all used up! Oh well…

    Reply
  21. Alice

    i had to ACTIVELY train myself out of this habit, because it is so so so my nature. but i had to have strict talkings-to with myself, where i’d sit myself down and explain to myself that there’s no point in buying Special Conditioner if i never use it because i’m saving it for a Special Occasion, because it’s never a Special Occasion and then i never get to use it. so if i buy it, maybe i should just USE IT TOO. it was difficult.

    i cannot stockpile things like chocolate chips, because i just eat them all. raw. and then there are no chips to put in cookies, because i’ve eaten three bags of them in the past week.

    Reply
  22. Melospiza

    Obviously, you need to have an egg while you continue to analyze this.

    And I’ll chime in: I’m the same way, especially with “special” things. If I buy fresh basil, for pesto, for example, I will ALWAYS save some. Even though it will wilt and get black in approximately 3 days: it’s $3 a box! I can’t just USE IT UP! I have to make it LAST!

    Reply
  23. Kimmers

    Major lurker, first time commenter:

    I have already gone through three bags of those yummy Reese’s Eggs. I bought two bags for my office candy jar that sits on my desk. I bought one more to stash in my drawer. None of it lasted longer than a couple of days. I keep telling myself they didn’t last long because there just aren’t that many inside the bag. Not sure it’s true, but that’s what I’m going with to comfort my guilty tummy.

    I have “special” lotions, perfumes, fingernail polish, eye shadows, hair ties, and a wide variety of foods that I won’t eat because then I won’t have it anymore. Lippy: Two stockpilers shouldn’t marry. I thank my lucky stars every day that my husband is not a stockpiler. On the other hand, he often eats the things I’m desperately saving. (Just the food. He’s completely oblivious to all my lotions, shampoos, etc.) Not only that, but now he’s discovered my half dozen hiding spots for those very treats.

    Reply
  24. Claire

    While I can be a little bit of a hoarder I have to tell you, the comet is coming so don’t postpone joy! Eat the reeses and feel no remorse!
    I also love that one of your reasons for stocklpiling is in case of zombies. LOL!

    Reply
  25. Whimsy

    You know, Swistle, I disagree that it’s a glitch. I think it’s a nice trait to have: you’re thinking ahead, you’re not going to run out, and you’ll always have the thing you need on hand **when** you need it. Bravo! I’ve been working on training myself to be more like you in this respect. Because it’ll be helpful when we have that natural disaster or loss of job or whatever that is bound to happen to at least one of us in this lifetime. The zombies just might come, and you’ll be in GREAT SHAPE.

    But then again, eat the egg. Easter is merely days away! :o)

    BTW – I hope I’m not coming off as inconsiderate if you really DO think it’s a mental glitch. I just think, in this case at least, that you can celebrate this particular trait. You’ll always have chocolate chips on hand, and that’s a great thing.

    Reply
  26. Rah

    Okay, dear, stand up tall so I can grace you with my wand: Ding! I hereby grant you full permission to open up and consume the last bag of peanut butter eggs. You are also authorized to use this as a reason to go shopping, in order to pick up more of same. Life’s too short to fret these things.

    Reply
  27. Dr. Liz

    We’re not stockpilers (although I am to some extent…. I think we’ve got about 20 cans of soup in the motorhome right now, “just in case” – and also because the husband will get weird cravings out of nowhere – hence the ever-present can of corned beef hash), so much Don’t Throw It Away-ers. The husband and I both have this ability to leave one last squeeze of toothpaste in the tube, one last dollop of shampoo in the bottle, etc., etc. I have finally accepted this, and just throw out the almost-empty containers so they don’t sit around unused, unloved, and dusty. A practice which, now that I think about it, deserves some sort of Easter candy (of which we are certain to have one or two pieces left!).

    Reply
  28. Michelle

    I have this exact same disease. EXACT SAME. Why I freak out about this instead of, you know, buying MORE, is beyond me. Except for this: My philosophy eye cream is SO EXPENSIVE and I got it as a Christmas gift and if I have to buy more, I don’t know if I can justify that expense but I can actually FEEL it working within moments of putting it on and isn’t that little bit of self-pampering worth it? A little bit?

    Reply
  29. Jeninacide

    I have been doing this a lot lately with random things from the pantry that I use. I think I inherited it from my husband. Now if I use something I put it on the list RIGHT AWAY to be replaced, even though I am not planning on using it anytime in the near future. It’s odd. Probably effects my budget to a point as well, but HEY- I have it on hand when I NEEED IT.

    Reply
  30. Maggie

    I used to be like this – I swear I was born that way because I always horded by Halloween and Easter candy and everything else, just like my dad. Then 12 years ago my dad got near fatal liver disease and finally got a transplant, but he still regrets not drinking the many bottles of wine he had saved “for a special occasion” that he cannot drink now. I think I finally realized there is no point in saving everything that is “special” until it’s no good or of no use anymore. I try really hard to use even the special stuff and not hoard it now. It’s contrary to my nature, but it’s become easier over time.

    Reply
  31. kim101bo

    I don’t understand, Swistle. . . with this stockpiling OCD you seem to have, why did you only buy ONE PACKAGE of the greatest thing to ever happen to Easter candy?

    Return to the store immediately before all that’s left are those crappy off-brand jelly beans!

    Reply
  32. Christina

    I do the same thing, but to save money. I stockpile the things we need when they’re buy 1 get 1 free, or when I have coupons handy. Even if we’re months away from running out.

    I also save “special” lotions and other things too – stationary, pens, stickers, wrapping paper, etc. But the problem with saving is that I usually never find an occasion for them and they get all dirty and old, dried up and crusty, or expire before I get to them! So lately I’m just throwing caution to the wind and using them “in the moment.” It’s better than throwing them out, unused and wasted!

    Reply
  33. Christina

    Oh! I forgot to say that I think the glitch is leftover from childhood, when the purchasing power was left in somebody elses hands. My mom was insanely thrifty and health conscious, so we rarely (I’m talking like twice a year) had soda or chips in the house. You had to make those LAST. But now, I have the purchasing power – so if I did decide to eat the whole bag of Reese’s eggs, I can just buy more for myself – whereas my mom wouldn’t have!

    Reply
  34. shygirl

    I think this is a laudable skill! I’ve been trying for years to learn how to do it and am only just now starting to get good at it. Gone (I hope) are the days of running out of toilet paper and toothpaste and chocolate chips. (And for the record, I’ve found that I like to have at least two backup packages of whatever-it-is PLUS the one currently in use. It makes me feel sort of comforted and secure, especially during these trying times. “Sure, the world might go to hell in a handbasket tomorrow, but at least we have enough toilet paper, and we can make chocolate chip cookies!” Heh.)

    Reply
  35. the new girl

    Ha ha!
    I do this with pretty note cards. (I have to force myself to use them, or else they’ll just go all old and yellow from A G E.)

    I don’t do this so much with food or supplies and I find that I run out of things a lot, which sucks.

    But not as much as your mean anonymous commenter sucks. She sucks way worse than even running out of toilet paper.

    Reply
  36. Anonymous

    Hi, I’m a lurker, but had to comment to tell you Thanks So Much I had no idea there is such a thing as Reeses Eggs and oh my gosh my day is so much better now that I’ve had them . . .yummy!

    Also, I’m all with you with the stockpiling . . esp when things are on sale . . . Just bought 5 bags of chocolate chips!

    Really enjoy your funny blog :)

    -Megan

    Reply
  37. willikat

    You know, my husband often complains of my hoarding and constant backups for backups for backups, but he NEVER complains that we’re out of anything. Or when he REALLY NEEDS something and I have an extra. So there!

    Reply
  38. Angie

    Brach’s brand black jelly beans are only available around Easter. My dad bought out two different stores at the end of February, though he still had some left over from LAST Easter. I took photos of his stacks of jelly beans before he could hide them around the house.

    I don’t hoard too much food, but toilet paper, definitely. You just don’t want to run out of that.

    Reply
  39. misguided mommy

    Oh I have the hugest problem with rationing. OMG I can’t even tell you how many bottles of perfumes I have with a couple spritz’s left because I am afraid I’ll use it and then not have it for the right outfit.
    I do it with food, cookies, lotion…all kinds of things!

    Reply
  40. HollyLynne

    i used to be a terrible hoarder (mostly of beauty products) but then i realized that i’ll hoard to the point where All! The! Stuff! is making me so crazy that I just throw it out. Now that I’ve done it a few times and I’m fairly certain that I’ll continue to get stressed out by all the THINGS! and throw them out, I’m better about using them.

    Reply
  41. Carmen

    Okay, whhhhhooaaaaa. There are Reese’s eggs? And Mounds eggs? Jeepers, I desperately wish that we poor Canadians could get all the cool stuff that you guys have. Free shipping from so many places, the best food, AND, let’s not forget the most important thing: Target.

    Reply
  42. Sara too

    Still working my way backwards through the posts.
    I’m descended from a hoarder (no really, I had to get a dumpster when my mom passed away) and I like to have “stuff” in reserve. But we’re moving, and I’m “using up” food in the pantry and other stuff that I have stored. And it feels sooo bad having no more rice, or canned soups, or tuna cans!
    I can buy some after we’ve moved, but my stocks seem so Thin! How will I make it through the apocalypse?!

    Reply
    1. Swistle Post author

      I so identify. For me, it would help to start/maintain a list of all the things I was feeling anxious about Not Having Any Of, so that I could take that list right to a store after the move—and so I could keep myself from constantly trying to maintain that list in my silly head.

      Reply

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