I am not sure how offensive a middle finger is. Like, is it an “adult content, not safe for work, don’t click if you’d be offended”-level thing? Or is it like saying, “That sucks!” or “I’m pissed!” or “Screw that!” where our parents wince but the rest of us forget that anyone winces? Well, just in case, I’ll give you the heads-up that this post is on that subject and may contain images.
I am intrigued by this guy’s idea. He says that if you’re married and you’re pissed off about Proposition 8 (which bans gay marriage in California), you should switch your wedding ring to your middle finger and take a photo of it.
I tried taking a photo like his, and I looked like a HUGE IDIOT. If you clicked through, you’ll have seen that he looks pretty awesome: he looks cool and friendly but definitely he’s got a strong stance, and he looks like he feels comfortable using his middle finger to express that stance, and also his wedding ring is really cool.
But when I tried it, I managed to give the impression that I was NOT giving the finger but in fact just happened to have my middle finger separate from the others, and also like I didn’t realize I was wearing my wedding ring on the wrong finger and too high up. Also, I LOOKED the way older people SOUND when they try to use teenaged slang words.
And since I was trying to take a photo of MYSELF, in some versions I missed my hand entirely. In others, my hand was blocking my face. But in ALL of them, I looked like an aging mother who was trying to be all gangsta or something. And also, I looked like I was pointing at something, perhaps at the last wisps of my evaporating youth and coolness. Pitiful.
PLUS, I was painfully aware of how displeased my parents (who read this blog) would be to see their daughter giving the finger, and also I’m wary of cheesing off the friends and family who would take the opposite stance on this issue. In general, I don’t want to go around telling you what to think/do (unless it’s about COOL BABY CLOTHES you should DEFINITELY BUY), because I think everybody should think/do their own thing and not screw around with what other people think/do. But in this case, what’s happening IS that people are telling other people what to think/do, and THAT’S what I’m objecting to.
So, hey, Prop 8! Yoo hoo! Over here!
P.S. If you do this, too, be sure to go over to Diary of a Modern Matriarch and add your name and link to her list.
Edit: I want to say for the record that I realize the way I expressed my feelings on this subject was highly disrespectful. I would be just as disrespectful about a decision to, for example, ban black citizens from voting in elections, or invalidate heterosexual marriages, or make it illegal to worship God.
I love it…you know, I struggled over who to vote for and in the end I voted based on the premise that I was tired of government telling me what to do. Go you for not being afraid to piss people off…
This is so awesome.
My state passed such a constitutional amendment two years ago, defining “marriage” in the state constitution as between “a man and a woman.” It was shameful. I was embarrassed and angry for my whole state.
HA HA HA! This post is so funny–not your taking a stand, which is great–but the rest of it. Thanks for the laugh.
I’m so in on this one. Thanks for the heads up!
haha! I had to laugh. I may have to do this too, not sure how many people will be ticked off by it on my blog. lol
Awesome!!!!!! Thanks for sharing this idea and for doing it!
i wish i were married, because i want to give a huge, steaming finger to all those people who voted the amendment into place.
every once in a while, i start feeling guilty because i feel as strongly on “my” issues as the people i categorize as “crazy people” – the ones feverishly trying to ban gay marriage or abortion or what have you. then i realize that my fervor is entirely different, because i don’t EFFING CARE what those people do with their lives. i’m not trying to tell them who to marry, or who to give birth to, or what church to attend, or what meat to eat. i’m fervent in my belief that no one should prevent consenting adults from living their own lives, which does not harm anyone else in the process.
the fact that other people feel the need to dictate this level of detail in other peoples’ lives – and will go so far as to amend the constitution, which is supposed to be in place specifically to guarantee equal access to the pursuit of happiness – is sad and pathetic.
I have been so upset by the outcome on Prop 8, and this post made me smile through my tears. Thank you!
Well, look at you being controversial! Bravo! I think that bird looks sufficiently cool AND pissed off.
I was disappointed that the joy of Obama’s victory was slightly marred by the passing of Prop 8. I think those Californians who voted for it should be ashamed of themselves, and I’m not afraid to say it.
Yay Swistle! I love your stance and I love the picture of your stance!
I too am seriously bummed about the passing of Prop 8, but am reasonably cheered by the narrow margin that it passed by. Next time, people. Next time.
I’m pretty upset over Prop 8. We moved away from California 3 years ago and we have tons of friends who still live there, straight and gay. Well, a couple of gay friends were/are planning a wedding for this summer up until Prop 8 destroyed it.
It seems like gay marriage/gay parenting got the shaft throughout the US. Really sad.
WOW! I am impressed that we actually got a glimpse into your ideals. I have two wedding rings, one for each failed marriage, I love this idea.
Other states passed similar propositions, including my own state, AZ, so my middle finger will be for those states too.
I love your writing Swistle, but respectfully disagree with your politics. I was sad to see this childish stunt. It really doesn’t add anything respectful or even substantial to your side’s arguments. Just my opinion, of course.
-Halee
Oh, Swistle, I love you so.
Most of my friends here in CA are gay and it sucks having to see them so hurt, it really does. Of course it’s not about me, but I am heartsick that it feels as though their own country has turned against them, at a time when so many other people get to celebrate feeling a process for the first time in, well, ever.
I did this on my blog this morning, thank you for bringing it to my attention.
I agree with Halee (anon)If you are truly angry, write or call the Congressmen in California. That would be more effective. Just a thought and my opinion.
JMH
Haha! Thank you for sharing your photo!
YOU ROCK SWISTLE.
Why is marrying the person you love offensive to anyone?
Here’s the problem, JMH: They can’t write the CA Congressmen, because it was the people of California who passed it. The majority of Congresspeople were opposed.
And here’s another tidbit: For a budgetary concern with California, the popular vote needs a 2/3 majority. But to take away the rights of a minority? It only takes 1/2.
The whole point is not telling people what to think/do, which is the failure of my state right now.
I’m not very pleased with the fact that we’ve chosen to oppress rather than uplift.
Thanks for linking to that post. I’m a staunch supporter of gay rights, so this broke my heart, and now I love that I can say “F you”.
My post and picture is here.
I have a Mr. Linky set up for anyone else who does it. Come and link, everyone!
Oh, and I love how the people opposing this don’t have the balls enough to use their names. If you believe in something, be proud of it. Unless of course, it is a shameful thing to be proud of.
Most excellent.
Wonderful! I’ll have to do it in my own blog.
And JMH – why would the congresspeople in California care about what the people in other states, who don’t vote for them, think?
Swistle, you rock. I’d like to disagree with the anonymous commenter who said that they disagreed with your politics. Really, I think you’re just saying that politics needs to get the hell out of people’s personal lives. And while photographing your middle finger may not “do anything” for your point-of-view, it may express exactly how you’re feeling and THAT is the point of a blog.
Love it! Swistle, your “giving the finger” skills are obviously very unused. :-) And what a positive commentary that is on you. I’m gigging at your picture. But just FYI, it’s customary to turn the outside of the hand, not the palm, to the recipient. That’s why your picture looks, oh, different. Nonetheless, your intent is good, and I totally agree.
Woot! It may not be over yet. Here’s hoping that the legal challenges actually work.
I wrote about this today as well. Holla!
I am just keeping the faith that this is not the end. That one day it will be different. That my grandchildren will goggle at me when I tell them how we discriminated. That one day, America will look back and shake her head about the lack of protection for civil rights for ALL people.
Haha. Love it. Nice work, Swistle.
Swistle, you have re-confirmed your place as my hero. I’ll be taking a photo tonight! (You think engagement rings are allowed? Eh, screw it, i’ll take a photo anyways)
Prop 8 is a civil rights issue. Domestic Partnership vs. Marriage sounds suspiciously like SEPERATE BUT EQUAL to me. How is it 2008 and any of us (let alone 51% of us in CA) think that separate but equal is OK?
I’m shocked and disappointed in my state, but I think the fight is far from over. And I think that a few decades from now history will look back on this as having been wrong, just the same way history looks back on the struggle of African Americans in the 60s as having been wrong.
(sorry to use your comments as my soapbox, but you started it! :))
Love your wedding ring!
Also, love the fact that you can really make me laugh. Thanks….
I don’t have a blog, but I’ll make this my Facebook photo…until they tell me to take it down.
I’m waiting for my husband to leave the room because I look like an idiot flipping off my laptop with my rings on the wrong finger.
For the record, I am PROUD to have voted NO on H8, and I do go around with bumper stickers on my car. This issue has divided my friends and ones who apparently supported 8 prior to Tuesday now seem to be backpedaling to maintain friendships. See where hate gets you? No on 8 has not yet conceded the election. Three challenges have been filed in CA Supreme Court, so keep up the good thoughts.
You are just all kinds of awesome.
I LOVE your blog and one of the numerous reasons I read it is because you are never policital here. It was always nice and refreshing to read your posts, knowing they are politics-free.
Do I need to stop reading now, or is this post the last?
Love it! Thanks Swistle.
Oops! I think I took my head out of the sand too soon. I should have clicked away at your first warning but now that I’ve read this I just can’t leave it alone.
Swistle, your line of thinking that “everybody should think/do their own thing and not screw around with what other people think/do” is very slippery.
With this amoral philosophy in mind I pose the following questions:
If homosexual marriage should be allowed why not polygamy? Or what if a mother and son want to get married?
An earlier commenter, Hoot n’ Howl asked “Why is marrying the person you love offensive to anyone?”
All the above situations involve people that want to marry the person or persons they love but are not allowed by law. What makes homosexual marriage any different?
Andreanna-I did leave my blog name “JMH” in my post. I have to choose an option to comment, and the only one I could use was under the “Anonymous” one. Also, the other “anon” left her name too. She signed it at the bottom of her post. Please read everything before you assume the worst in me or anyone else.
Also, to everyone else: I was simply saying that if you want real political change, do more than blog about it. Write to Congress, put editorials in your local newspaper and actually get involved. I realize that if you don’t live in CA, your vote won’t count there. However, you always have a right to express your support or opposition to any bill / proposition in any state.
Signed-
JMH
I really like this idea, and like you I am very disappointed in the results. Then I read the previous comment and I just got so angry (T with Honey).
First of all if polygamy is between consenting adults, honestly I don’t have a problem with it, and second two adults marrying is not the same as a mother marrying her son.
I just hate to see so much ignorance in a time when I wanted to feel so happy with our new president. I guess it is baby steps.
Swistle don’t ever stop blogging about what “you” feel strongly about.
It is your freedom to speak up in your own way for what you believe just as it is for JMH and T with Honey to openly disagree with you. That is what makes this country great even when other rights are being taken. Eventually someone will hear us and come to their senses.
Rock ON!
Opposing Prop 8 is not the same as saying that people should invariably be left alone to do whatever they want.
It is to say that consenting adults should be allowed — even encouraged! — to form permanent, monogamous unions.
I have no words for those of you who cannot see the difference between incest (hint: it’s abuse!) and homosexuality/lesbianism.
Slim
Allow me to clarify one of my questions. What if a mother and her adult son want to get married?
slim – you say that Prop 8 “is to say that consenting adults should be allowed — even encouraged! — to form permanent, monogamous unions.” In the above instance you have 2 consenting adults. What makes incest so much more appalling than sodomy?
Wow I would SO DO THIS!… if I could get my wedding ring OFF.
(Sigh). Maybe I will take a picture of my husband’s hand flipping off the camera instead?
AWESOME idea–I immediately took about 20 pictures and most came off looking like I was pointing at something–namely, my attempt to look cute/cool/angry/reasonable all at once (umm….that? didn’t work).
I would say more but I changed my mind. I already spoke with my vote. I’m a Californian and a Conservative. I’ll stay anonymous just to make you mad. ;-)
Well done, Swistle! Love this post, it’s got humour and stands up for what’s right! I live in Canada, and in my life homosexuality is just a part of the regular world. I have a gay uncle and a few gay friends, and can I share a secret?
They are the SAME AS ALL OTHER HUMAN BEINGS.
But that’s not THAT shocking, is it folks???
So, thanks, Swistle. I think that this wasn’t making a mockery of anything… I think this is great. Banning gay marriage is such a joke, that I think a joke of a reply is necessary.
T with Honey: Homosexuality is equal to a man and woman getting married. Homosexuals are not committing incest, so it is NOT the same as a mother/son. It is still one adult who loves another and wants to commit; just like a heterosexual marriage. It won’t open doors to things like polygamy (um, because that already exists, long before any gays could marry). Just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they have some great agenda to suddenly change everything in the world; they just want the regular rights that they deserve with the partner they love.
Also… and I’m sorry, because I normally wouldn’t say something this distasteful and I really, REALLY hope that Swistle will forgive me…. but I really don’t think you should liken sodomy to incest. Frankly, some heterosexuals engage in an-l s-x (NOT ME, but some really do; and I just edited that because I’m not sure if comments get picked up in search engines, LOL)… and also, lesbians aren’t committing sodomy too much, are they? So I don’t get THIS argument at all.
One of our Prime Ministers, Pierre Trudeau, said it best anyway… “The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation”. And I think we have no place in the bedrooms of any consenting couple but ourselves; gay, straight, blue or tan!
(Swistle…please forgive me if my comment was vulgar; I would even understand if you want to remove it; I just couldn’t sit back and say NOTHING on this matter though, Thanks).
I am so doing this!
Well I won’t do this on my blog, mostly because of family (including some grade school age cousins) who occasionally read. However, I totally support your right to speak up in this manner. I do think it is a terrible shame when we don’t allow two consenting adults to make a legal declaration of their commitment to one another. So sad.
T With Honey- If you restrict marriage to boy/girl couples, what’s the difference between that and restricting it to same-skin-color couples? What’s the difference between that and restricting it to same-religion couples, or same-age couples, or any other restriction? And yet that hasn’t happened. Taking one step doesn’t mean taking another step.
It seems to me we can make reasonable adjustments without going down either Crazy-cakes route: either the one that goes toward “what’s to stop people from marrying BARNYARD ANIMALS??” OR the one that goes toward “what’s to stop the state from allowing only state-paired couples to marry?”
I find the gesture to be very offensive. VERY. I don’t disagree with doing something to protest the passage of Prop 8 if you’re opposed to it.
I know a lesbian couple who are the poster children for gay marriage. They love each other and are so good for each other. I have a really hard time saying that there is anything wrong with them being together. I think it would be wrong to keep them apart. Their marriage doesn’t threaten mine–in fact, they’re another example of a healthy committed monogamous relationship.
took 4 tries to get the dog to cooperate with my middle finger shot, but we got it done.
yeehaw!
Thanks for the comment, and thanks for your middle finger support, LOL!
It’s so much more than Prop 8! The fact that we even think we can vote on RIGHTS is such a problem. Anyway, good blogging, and good reading!
Sigh. I thought this blog was politics free.
And I disagree with your politics.
I give thumbs up to your middle finger! I could write more, but don’t want to get rant-y.
It seems to me that this issue, for some people, is less about the actual marriage/union, and more about the fiscal benefits historically associated with the union. I’m not minimizing the desire for a life-long union for some. Just suggesting that there are other reasons for having that union…please read on before you count me a nutjob and start flipping me off. ;)
I’m a conservative. And while I have a moral and religious opposition to same-sex unions, I also think that the government doesn’t need to legislate anything about unions.
I think we should leave it up to the insurance companies and those who provide benefits. If the companies/providers want to acknowleged same-sex unions and the benefits associated with traditional marriage and families, let them. Let it become something that is played out in the business realm. That way, if conservatives don’t care for a company that honors same-sex unions, they can leave. And if a company wants to attract conservatives they can advertise that they don’t honor same-sex unions. Same goes for companies who want to attract those in favor of same-sex unions.
I don’t mean to suggest that there aren’t some people who support same-sex unions strictly because they want the right. Certainly there are – and probably many. I aim to suggest that perhaps if some of the reasoning lies in the benefits of a union, perhaps the government should just butt out and let the insurance companies make this part of their marketing. Seems that would solve some of the problem.
Please also don’t think that I am naive enough to assume that this is the whole issue. I’m not an idiot, and if we were talking over a gin and tonic, we could certainly communicate most effectively…but since we aren’t, I wanted to offer a thought on one little piece of the pie.
But, who am I to talk. I hate politics.
Good points, Swistle. We have made reasonable adjustments to what is considered an acceptable marriage throughout the years and not restricting the definition of a legal, government approved marriage to boy-girl won’t necessarily lead to someone officially having a cow as their spouse. Thank you for replying to my comments in such a civil and clear-headed manner.
However I do feel that the ‘middle-finger’ protest is definitely not cool. It only serves to fan the flames and further provoke anger in others. I think that’s why I felt I had to leave some comment in the opposition earlier.
With all of that said I think I’ll leave this discussion at this point. After all this is your blog not mine.
I think that it’s so awesome that we can all share our thoughts and opinions… whatever they may be!
But for those of you who find this post offensive… DON’T read it! Swistle clearly warned you what the content of this post was from the very beginning.
Prop 8 is about so much more than politics… but either way, it’s Swistle’s right to write whatever she wants, it is HER blog after all.
Wow! I like your pic, actually. I’ll have to do that, too. I’m in Bible Belt, USA (Arkansas) so everyone around me was happy about the result. My hubby and I aren’t and I’d love to do this!
We are coming together. Like community organizers. Did you read Melissa Ethridge’s post? Genius: http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2008-11-06/you-can-forget-my-taxes/
It’s really very sad that the people who disagree couldn’t list valid reasons for disagreeing, or even link to their site. Are you ashamed of your opinion? If you’re not, you should be.
It’s never OK to legislate or support hate, discrimination, or anger. If you think it is? Refer back to the photo.
burgh baby-
It is sad that you assume that just because people have a differing opinion that they are cowards. I didn’t EVER say I disagreed with the political point…I said I disagreed in the use of a vulgar gesture to display one’s opinion. It is a childish act that reminds me of a teenager. Again, if you really believe in this cause and if you want real change, do more than post a picture of your finger. Do you really think that will change anything? Since so many of you have time to post pictures, why not spend that time contacting your local and federal congress men and women and ask them to represent you.
Also, just because someone does not agree with an opinion on an issue does not make them “wrong” or “sad” There are always 2 sides to everything and we are blessed in America that we are free to express our opinions no matter what anyone else thinks.
Signed-
JMH
Prop 8 is SO WRONG. Great photo and post!
JMH- At this point, “doing things” has zero effect. The only thing left to do is react, or to express emotion. I don’t think the intent here was to “change anything.” Though frankly, it seems to have had more effect than if she’d written to some congressperson about it. Have you seen how this is spreading?
JMH—So what you think is that when Swistle expresses feelings, she should do it the way you would? That doesn’t make sense to me as a philosophy of personal expression.
Swistle, I agree with Halle and others. What you did was offensive and childish. Eventhough you marked your post with a warning, it does not change the fact that your feelings could have been expressed in a more respectful mannor. I live in FL and helped keep the ammendment cemented here. That does not make me wrong or sad or a bigot, it just means we disagree. But I would never flip you off Swistle, for any reason. True it is your blog and you can do whatever you want, but you should think of the people you hurt by the stunt you pulled today.
“Tess”- Oh, wait! I’m not flipping YOU off! I’m flipping off Proposition 8—which as far as I know, has no feelings to be hurt. And I definitely didn’t call anyone “wrong” or “sad” or a “bigot.”
You rock… reading your post I didn’t think you were going to do it, but you did. Prost!
thanks for your comment of support Swistle. I’m happy to see that people of all different backgrounds and lifestyles can come together to stand against this issue. it makes me really proud.
YOU GO GIRL!!!! keep fighting the good fight! :)
Swistle, while you may say you are not flipping me off, but aim your anger at the proposition itself is a cop out. The proposition passed because of people like me. I guess technically because I voted for the ammendment in Florida, you were not directing the insult at me, but I do feel a sting from your post. Also, you are right, you did not call me wrong or sad or a bigot, those are things that came from others, so I take that back. I love your blog every other day though!
I love this! If I can find my wedding ring, I will have to try post a picture.
Bethtastic- Well, sure! But that’s like saying that women want “equal pay for equal work” not just because it’s fair but also because they want the money. It’s fair and right for people to have equal rights AND the benefits that accompany them. And fortunately, in the example of marriage, the benefits are not so huge that we have had a big problem of people getting married just to obtain them. (Well, except in the few unusual cases where the benefits are unusually large, such as when citizenship is the prize.)
“Tess”- I think I am more concerned with the feelings of the people who were told their relationships and children were illegitimate, rather than with the feelings of the people who told them so.
Swistle, feeling compassion for others and wanting to take a stand for what you believe is right is one thing, and being blatently rude is another. Frankly, you crossed that line. Also, my real name is Tess. No need for quotation marks as if I am hiding behind some made up name. If I didn’t feel confident in what I am saying, I wouldn’t have commented at all. My birthname is Teresa, and I have commented here before. You helped me name my children for crying out loud! I am not a fake.
Tess- Sorry about the quotes—I had an email exchange with another reader, and she used the EXACT words you used in your comments. Like, EXACT. Same adjectives, some of the same phrases. So then when you commented, I thought you were her going undercover. Sorry, sorry, shouldn’t have done that. It just seemed so clear! I mean, you should see the email! It’s almost verbatim! Ker-razy.
It’s sad that so many people who oppose Prop 8 post anonymously, but that’s their right, I suppose.
Oh, and it’s not all about insurance and “companies.” I work for a WONDERFUL company that offers insurance to same-sex committed couples. No, the real fight is about legal rights. Like being allowed to visit your beloved in the hospital when it’s “family only” in the intensive care. Like being allowed so many things that hetero people can do but same-sex couples cannot.
I am totally FOR Prop 8, but it’s no matter because I live in MO. Unions are between the folks who desire them, and my gay and lesbian friends are just as committed to their relationships as am I. Their union doesn’t threaten me and my hetero family in the least, so I don’t see what most of these folks are getting all hot and bothered about.
To that I say…”Moral Schmoral…love is love…and there are plenty of loveless marriages between a man and a woman. I was in one. So I know.”
thank you for speaking out!
Moon
i just realized i never commented on this and i wanted to put in a word of support for you and this post. i think you are getting a little bit too much negative response from people (in my opinion, any negative response to this is too much). you are fantastic, this is a great idea, the gesture is perfect, and everyone deserves to have the right to marriage and family if they choose it.
thank you!
I agree with you Swistle. I’m sorry you have had to deal with so much negativity. Discrimination is wrong in every sense.
So, just read… something… that mentioned people possibly losing readers, and I just wanted to say I am still reading, as I am with other blogs, just commenting rarely enough so as to be approaching not at all.
Anyway, as for this topic, from a purely objective viewpoint (an attempt at one anyway), and off the top of my head (in other words, I haven’t done any sort of research or spent time thinking about it), I can’t see where this is even a legal matter. Legally, men and women are SUPPOSED to be equal, you know that whole equal rights thing, so which one you choose to marry in a LEGAL sense should make no difference. Maybe your CHURCH won’t want to marry you or consider you married (by “you” I don’t mean YOU, but a generic person), but there is a separation of church and state, so it seems that LEGALLY, there should be no difference.
Joining Fiona’s statement of support, I’d like to say that while I didn’t comment initially, I think this post is awesome! I’m glad to see some of Swistle’s opinions, and I totally agree. I think the whole debate on this issue is a farce. Gay marriage could not affect hetero marriage less. My marriage is not affected by anything that another couple does. If a church doesn’t want to recognize gay marriage, then they have that right. Government shouldn’t be involved at all. People have the right to disagree with another person’s lifestyle, but they do not have the right to tell them that they can’t live that way.
Swistle. I love you.
Hey ~ I’m with you. Just so you know.
Prop H8TE sucks.
I don’t think this is all that controversial. But I think the other viewpoint is, so I dunno.
Hugs.
If you’re losing some readers, you’re gaining others. First-time visitor, thrilled that you’ve done this, will be back! I’m a woman married to a man, and I am sickened by Prop 8. I don’t have a blog, or I’d join in with a photo of my own, but I do want to praise you.
And for folks who think that state recognition of gay unions will somehow devolve society, Massachusetts is doing just fine.
I love your edit at the end. It explains things perfectly. I agree absolutely. Some things are worth losing readers over.