That whole drama with Christopher so far all happened before mid-November of 7th grade.
Swistle, age 12
(note poor bangs—double cowlick)
(we ALL had rainbow shirts, right?)
(and we all tucked them in?)
Not even ten days after I drew a large broken heart with “Me” on one half and “Chris” on the other, I write: “I only like Chris as a friend now, and Lori is welcome to him.” So that’s good news, and I’m totally sure I was 100% sincere. *eye roll* Obviously I was a BIG LIAR. But I think I would have been over him if he hadn’t then continued toying with me. A month later:
I’m really confused. I wish Chris would make up his mind. Does he like Lori or me? He still hangs around Lori, but yesterday he and I were talking about winter, and I was mid-sentence when he interrupted. I was saying things like, “I hate cold” and “I hate snow,” and he said, “I love you.” I was shocked. Also today, I wore a very flattering blouse, and Chris told me five times that I looked pretty today, and that it was a beautiful color on me. He’s been hanging around me alot, and I must have blushed about 20 times!!! And that’s just today. I wish he’d write me a note and explain.
Yes, well, we ALL wish for a little note sometimes. And if the “explanation” were accurate, the note would read “He’s a jackass! Kick him to the CURB, honey! P.S. ‘A lot’ is two words.”
Look how he continues to mess with me:
Tonight my youth group went caroling and Chris came along. All of us had to squeeze into the back of a van, and the whole time Chris had his head on my shoulder, and he kept snuggling up to me, and once he looked me in the eye and said, “You’re cute,” very softly. All this time my heart was going bananas because here I was, snuggled up to my favorite boy, and he’s telling me I’m cute. Even thinking about it makes my heart skip beats. But then he had to spoil it by asking me if he should buy Lori a stuffed moose. How can he possibly hurt me like this? I should be mad at him but, darn it all! I’ve fallen in love with him again. I’m filled with a hatred for Lori, my rival.
Well, well, well. And look who’s got things just the way he wants them. And please tell me what is with girls that we then fight between ourselves over the jerk? I mean, clearly he is being really awful here, and I turn my dislike on the OTHER GIRL. Whuh? It’s like the whole “Team Aniston” and “Team Jolie” thing, as if we all thought the two women should duke it out to decide who “wins” Brad Pitt, aka The Real Homewrecker Here.
Nearly two months go by with no comment. In early February, I write: “Today Chris and Lori broke up. I have decided that if he starts liking me, I won’t like him back.” And on the blank facing page, I wrote in big letters: “I LOVE CHRIS,” then a big line underneath it, and then “NOT ANYMORE, I DON’T.”
Then NOTHING! How could I do this to my future self? What happened in the two months between “hatred for my rival” and “broke up”? Did I pursue him? Continue to have a crush on him? And then what’s with this entry in early March:
My mother keeps praying for me and my dad asked me if anything depressing had happened in Florida [where my brother and I had gone by ourselves to visit our grandparents]. This morning I caught a catch of a conversation that sounded like they were talking about me. I think something’s up.
But WAS something? WHO KNOWS? Because my silly 12-year-old self just left it right there! (My theory: I had a raging case of The Twelves, and my parents were wondering WTF.)
In mid-April, I throw myself a crumb:
I haven’t written in a long time so here’s what’s been happening. Chris and I have been friends ever since February 5th. We have been fighting about once a day, and each fight lasts from 5 minutes to a few hours. He’s hugged me 5 times but I think they’re just friendly hugs. Chris is madly jealous of Jenny because she’s my best friend and he’s not. He tells me that I’m HIS best friend even if he’s not mine. *SIGH* P.S. I think I really like Jimmy, a boy who goes to our church. He’s ultra-fantastically cute!!!
I didn’t remember that we fought so much, although I definitely remember fighting. Chris and I were both the type to get red-faced and teary-eyed and “I hate you!!!” when angry, so things never went well. But what did we fight ABOUT? I don’t remember AT ALL. And every DAY?
And what’s with the possessive stuff? Was he kind of a…loon? He didn’t want to date me, but he wanted to be the center of my world. Sure wish we’d had the term “whatevs” back then. I could have said it to him. I could have held up W-fingers for emphasis.
I like Jimmy as much as I liked Christopher. Poor Jenny has to be friends with someone who is constantly falling in and out of love! P.S. Chris and I haven’t had a fight for over a week!!!
Then Lori dumps Chris (evidently the first break-up didn’t take), and I’m afraid I try my hand at haiku:
Lori, although you
Were dazzled by Chris at first
You did the right thing.
See, if she does what I want her to do, that’s The Right Thing. Isn’t that an easy way to look at the world? Ah, 12!
He’s ultra-fantastically cute!!!
I think that is my favorite line so far. This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read. I love you!
i’m driving up to nj this weekend for my mom’s bday, and i am now DESPERATE to find my old diaries and reread them..
Um, I was still playing with baby dolls when I was 12. You were light years ahead of me, girl.
Delurking to let you know how much I am loving this. Please continue, make it up if you have to. Takes me right back to rainbow shirts and Joey D.
Oh, I think we have conclusive proof that dumping Christopher was the right thing to do for anyone, so I agree with your masterful haiku.
I’m on the edge of my seat to find out what happens next! Did you get back together with Christopher again? Is there Jimmy Drama around the bend? Tune in tomorrow to As the Swistle Turns!
Misty- I was ALSO playing with baby dolls. In fact, I had one I took with me to school every day and I did a baby-talk voice for her. She had a best friend: the doll belonging to MY best friend. Also, we had tea parties.
Cindy- As the Swistle Turns!! HA HA HA HA HA!
OMG these are the BEST! I wish I still had MINE! The only ones I still have are really depressing ones from high school…
Oh, Swistle such angst!
Your diaries are awesome,
Please keep posting them.
also:
Chris was a player;
Can’t wait to hear what happens
With this Jimmy guy.
Has anyone mentioned that these pictures resemble Sundry? Anyone else see that?
Is that….dare I say it…BROWNIES in that picture???
You are so cute – and SO 12!
Oh Swistle,
These are amazing!! I am soo sad now to have thrown away all my diaries when I moved to London.
Please, please, please keep them coming! I am glad to know we all went through similar things; at the time I thought I was alone in my confusion and boy trouble.
Hmm perhaps this means I am not alone in my ‘adult trouble’ either?
Love, love, love these entries in which you analyze your first loves. I am hating Chris now for stringing you along. How could you know what to do, you were such an innocent!
Also, the whole idea of a kid thinking the Right Thing to Do is what they want. So true.
These are WAY better than those daytime soap operas – and I can read them over and over again when I’m bored at work! ;-)
I can’t wait to hear what happens next! And I’m glad someone else was as boy-crazy as I was. And also as dramatic. I was always totally embarassed to reread my old diaries. Next time I find one, I’ll try to laugh!
Any idea of what ever became of Mr. Playa himself?
Shelly Overlook- I heard he was a rock band groupie for awhile, and then was living out west with a girlfriend and baby. But I don’t know how accurate the info is—it came fourth-hand or fifth-hand and is several years out of date.
Yes, well, we ALL wish for a little note sometimes. And if the “explanation” were accurate, the note would read “He’s a jackass! Kick him to the CURB, honey! P.S. ‘A lot’ is two words.”
a lot is two words :-)
You are toooooo funny.
I think I love your 12 year old self.
Oh I am SO loving the diary entries. This is why I’m going to make my wee ones write in diaries — REGULARLY thank to you — mostly so they can entertain themselves at a much later date.
Oh, and I had the rainbow shirt tucked in BUT I also had the rainbow belt that went with it that had those funny S shaped kind of loops that hooked together (and it always took me three tries to do it right).
I wish I had a diary from my teen years like you do.
Or maybe not. I was pretty much a total loser until high school. And even then, I was a partial loser but I made peace with it and made an awesome posse that stuck with me, even today!
But yeah, those 11-13 years sucked the big one for me.
I too am loving hearing the diary. Keep it up! Puh-leese!
Leeann
niccofive.blogspot.com
12-year-old Swistle is extremely likeable. I was into that hating my bitter rival thing, too, only I never had a boy snuggle up to me and say I was cute.
I have no printable words for Chris.
(Word verification is NIX P.U. THOSE are good words for Chris.)
These entries are so much fun, and wow, do your kids look like you!
I am SO going to start using ultra-fantasically cute from now on!
I would have totally been your BFF when you were 12!
I am LOVING this stuff. Keep it coming!
I find it fascinating that a 12 year old boy is so… manipulative. I don’t remember being manipulated back then, but now that you’ve got me thinking about being 12, I’m SURE that boys WERE that way…. I just didn’t have the awareness of it at the time.
Also, I think you should start a chain of blog posts where we all post pictures of ourselves as preteens and describe ourselves or tell stories about what we remember.
Marie- I KNOW! I think he was unusual, though: that is, none of the other boys in our class acted that way. I think he may have been precocious in that area. It would be SO FUN if everyone else started doing photos/diaries/stories too!
I’m diggin’ it Swistle. Double cowlicks and all (P.S. I have to look at the pics of your kids–do any of them have your cowlicks? My kid has a WICKED cowlick in the back.)
TNG- Edward has a double spiral in the back, with the spirals going in opposite directions. I keep his hair…short.
This journal stuff is so good… you should write a book.
I was “only” in 6th grade when you and Christopher were in 7th, but I do remember him being super cute. I don’t have memories of talking to him so much… but maybe that was because I was scared of his dad! I agree with you guys… Christopher seems to be a VERY manipulative 12 year old… I wonder if he became a manipulative adult or changed his ways!
Too bad I don’t have a journal to go back and find out what the heck I was thinking! I guess I have to live vicariously through you Swistle!!!
This is completely fascinating! I wish I could post some of MY anst-ridden diary entries. But school chums and family read my blog (not to mention my husband’s friends), so NO WAY.
I SO need an anonymous blog!
Um, anyway, this is fun! And I LOVE the pics!
First, Swistle, let me give you a cyber hug, for being so sweet. It has been great fun reading not just excerpts in your diary, but your comments now. That ‘we all need a little note’ line? That is simply fabulous! I think I shall shortly have to write about you again :)
And it really would be lovely to read more old diaries. If you are itching to get going at that, and can’t because of various reasons, like CAQunicy’s, I have an idea. Lets start a common ‘diary’ blog, where you can be as anonymous as you want – and let it be totally a group (but not necessarily a team) effort. Everyone posts as and when they can, no pressures, and fingers crossed that someone else would be posting anyway :)
I love the rainbow shirt.
Also, I love this DRAMA.