Diet P0rrn

I haven’t mentioned the diet for awhile, and you are probably thinking you’re on to me. “Yes,” you nod wisely. “This is what happened with Couch to 5K, and with Modified Couch to 5K, and with that whole Cleaning Program: big talk, and then a Suspicious Lack of talk.”

But no! I am in fact still on the diet. I’m past the stage where the weight loss makes clothes “less tight,” and now I’m into the stage where it makes them “loose and unflatteringly sloppy-looking.” I’ve had many, Many, MANY slips (brownies! cake! clearance Valentine’s candy!), but I haven’t had that feeling of kind of HOPING I’ve blown it so I can go back to eating what I want. I keep thinking, “Okay, Swistle, right back on it now dear.”

It helps that I am a person who likes eating the exact same meals day after day. The less I think about food, the better. I have chocolate-milky coffee (half microwaved skim milk, half coffee, with Splenda and baking cocoa) for breakfast (with cereal or eggs if I’m hungry), turkey-vegetable-chickpea soup for lunch, chicken-vegetable stir-fry on rice for dinner, and fat-free sugar-free pudding for dessert (I recommend the cooked kind, which is an utter pain in the ass to make but I think more delicious than the instant kind). Snacks are milky tea, furtively-eaten marshmallows, various foods purchased “for the kids,” swigs directly from a bottle of booze, etc. (Snacks need some work.)

I have a Freebie Day coming up: Easter candy is the best of all seasonal candy, so on Easter I eat ANY KIND I WANT and as much as I want, all day long. Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs! Cadbury Eggs! Hershey candy-coated eggs! Cadbury candy-coated eggs! Hershey marshmallow eggs! On my last diet, this led to a several-day binge instead of the one-day planned splurge, but life went on after that so I’m not much worried.

In the meantime, Diet P0rrn:

See’s Candies: the centerfold.

46 thoughts on “Diet P0rrn

  1. LoriD

    I’m with you on the Easter candy. I saw a big size Turtles chocolate egg at the store and immediately thought that the Easter Bunny might be hopping by with one of those (even though the kids aren’t keen on anything with nuts – oh, who WILL eat it?)

    Reply
  2. One Smart Cookie

    I’ve been doing the whole dieting thing (20 lbs gone – Wahoo!) and snacking was definitely the hardest part. I’m big on snacking, and I like salty/crunchy things – but it seems like all of the healthy snacks are sweet. Anyway, I’d be happy to tell you some of the things I’ve found if you’re interested. (If not, no worries.)

    Enjoy your Easter binge!

    Reply
  3. Tessie

    Is it me, or are the Reese’s Eggs the BEST of the Reese’s Seasonal Family? They meet my need for a high Peanut Butter/Chocolate ratio.

    I have NEVER IN MY LIFE made cooked pudding. I certainly BELIEVE that it would be better. I suspect I may never find out though.

    In conclusion, upon first glance I thought this post was about Diet POPCORN, and to be honest, I’m sort of bummed that it’s not. Which is, OBV, my issue, not yours, but whatev. Nevertheless, the disappointment lingers. I love popcorn.

    Reply
  4. Anonymous

    Have you seen this month’s Saveur?

    The cover story is “The Beauty of Butter.” And inside, page after page about butter and how to incorporate it into your diet in new and exciting ways.

    Talk about yer diet p0rrn.

    Slim

    Reply
  5. AndreAnna

    I go to my OB in an hour and when I step on the scale, I fear that Cadbury Creme Eggs will actually fall out of it.

    Easter is THE. WORST. TIME. for trying to eat well.

    But congrats on the clothes thing. I mean, not that you look sloppy, but well, ya know..

    Reply
  6. Kristin....

    I love Easter candy. Those pastel colored M & Ms, the jelly beans (oh, the jelly beans), all those chocolate eggs. All that candy that the kids NEVER manage to eat….yum!
    Thank you for brightening my day!

    Reply
  7. Alice

    i LOVE that coffee/chocolate concoction, but i had to stop drinking it because it was upsetting my tummy… but i wasn’t making mine with milk. maybe the 1/2 milk will dilute the coffee enough to let me have it again? maybe? please?

    Reply
  8. Jess

    Go you for keeping going with it! And I am the same way about liking the same thing every day. THANK GOD. Although actually since I’m feeling bored with WW after eight months, I think that I’ll start exploring some new recipes. JUST A COUPLE. I’m not going to do anything INSANE.

    Reply
  9. Kristin

    Good for you Swistle!

    Snack suggestions:

    100 calorie bags of microwave popcorn
    Apple slices with cinnamon and sugar (tastes like apple pie without the crust, mmmm)
    Any veggie and hummus, I love hummus
    Frozen mixed berries with honey and plain yogurt (they’re better if you don’t thaw them)
    String cheese
    Light cheddar and sour cream Ruffles are amazing, but be forewarned, you may feel the need to eat the WHOLE BAG.
    Sugar free Jello

    Reply
  10. Jen

    OMG, See’s candy. The BEST. And those mini-cadbury eggs with the crunchy outer shell. YUM. YUM. YUM.

    Great job on the diet! I think it’s good that you are allowing yourself some wiggle room. For me, if I deny all yummy stuff, it makes it so much harder to stick with it.

    One of my favorite desserts, which I think is not totally horrible for you: put some frozen berries (blueberries are the best, I think) in an oven-safe dish. Sprinkle some dry white cake mix over the top, and put little chunks of butter (like a tablespoon at most, or more if you want to be truly sinful) on top. Bake at 400* until it looks so yummy you want to snatch the dish out of the oven with your bare hands and scald your mouth with its heavenly contents (or about 20-25 minutes).

    …swigs directly from a bottle of booze…ha!

    Oh, and I must be slow again: why do you alter the spelling of some words? Like p0rn, etc? I figure it must be to thwart search engines, but am not entirely sure how that works or is beneficial…

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    I have a secret! I think I do at least…the blood test so far is ‘inconclusive’ but I am several days late…teehee! I’m waiting until next week to tell my hubby, but had to share the news with someone!!

    Reply
  12. Swistle

    Jen- That cake-fruit thing sounds YUM. And I am remembering that I have a cake mix in the cupboard…

    I alter some spellings when it creeps me out to think of people finding my blog with that search term and another word (like “children” especially) I might use on the blog. But I think I MOSTLY do it because I saw other people doing it and thought there must be a Good Reason!

    Reply
  13. Kate

    Is it weird that just this morning I was wondering how your diet was going? Probably. Anyway, I’m glad to hear it is still going well. I’m going to have to try this chocolate-milky coffee combo, it sounds pretty good. I haven’t eaten any Easter candy yet and have been purposely avoiding the aisle at the store, but now I’m craving Cadbury cream eggs. Those are my absolute favorite.

    Reply
  14. Kelsey

    Congratulations on keeping the diet going!

    Would you like to borrow my peanut allergic child to stop the candy binge right after Easter? Because we can’t have any of that stuff in our house! (Easter and Halloween = bummer for LOTS of kinds of allergies.) There are even lots of unsafe kinds of jelly beans – go figure. So Harper gets mostly little presents instead of candy for Easter. She probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal — which figures as she’s never tasted any Reese’s product.

    Oh, and drinking straight from the bottle never counts – so you can just leave that on your snack list. No problem.

    Reply
  15. ttsc

    Peanut Butter eggs re my favorite. I was just thinking, what can I put in Samantha’s easter basket that she can share with me? And those were top on my list.

    Reply
  16. One Smart Cookie

    Ok, here goes…

    One Smart Cookie’s List of Snack Foods that Won’t Completely Ruin Your Diet:

    (Please note that your mileage may vary, especially if you prefer sweet snacks to salty. Also, you should take any diet/health advice from me with a very large grain of salt, because I am not usually a particularly healthy person. But I digress.)

    Air-popped popcorn (Check Amazon for cheap-o air poppers if you don’t have one. Seriously, this has kept my chip-binging to an ALL TIME RECORD LOW.)

    Laughing cow light cheese wedges, spread on, like, everything. (French onion is the best flavor.)

    Mini-babybel cheeses – like a string cheese, but round. Also, does not taste like most light cheese. (Yes, I like cheese. A lot. Mmmmm.)

    New York Style Mini Bagel Chips – the satisfying crunch of chips without the ‘oh my god who ate the whole bag it couldn’t have possibly been me’ factor.

    Snyder’s Multigrain Pretzel Sticks – I have no idea how so little of something can be so filling, but these are a thing of beauty when you’re starving and need something NOW.

    This comment is reach historic lengths, so I’ll sign off by saying that I’d love to have more suggestions if anyone has any in mind!

    Reply
  17. Jess

    SNORT! Diet porn! I joined you when you started your diet and have found it not to be too bad as long as I allow for slips as well. After a few weeks I don’t crave the McDonalds double cheeseburger for lunch so much and the thought of salmon for dinner with beans sounds nice. As long as there some kind of mayumma after.

    Reply
  18. Rachael

    Dude. Do you get the King Arthur Baker’s Catalogue? That is truly the best/worst diet porn. And this month’s issue is all about Easter and truffles. The paper copy is so much better/worse than the website. I feel like an enabler, but check it out for yourself:

    http://www.kingarthurflour.com

    Reply
  19. Penny

    Bwa! Diet porn! I’ll be laughing at that for a long time to come.

    Great job on your diet. That’s a lot less food then I eat. Hmm. Perhaps that’s why I’m fat.

    Reply
  20. clueless but hopeful mama

    I love how your comments section is the official first stop for pregnancy announcements! Yay for an annonymous bun in the oven!

    I loved your snack descriptions. I have to add that my favorite snack is a precounted handful of equal numbers of almonds and chocolate covered almonds. Protein, it keeps you going! Chocolate, it makes you happy! Yes, I know, they have lots of calories but I find that it really keep me from overeating at meals if I snack on something substantive. Hence, the “precounted” portion of my program.

    Reply
  21. Erin

    I agree wholeheartedly on the eating the same thing every day bit. I do that too and I think it helps me eat healthier than I would otherwise.

    I am curious about this chocolate in the coffee thing. What kind of chocolate? Not hot chocolate? It sounds gooooood.

    Reply
  22. Swistle

    Erin- I use baking cocoa (Nestle right now; I’ve bought Hershey’s but haven’t yet tried it in coffee), which is 15 calories per tablespoon if the nutrition info can be believed (that seems really low). I use about 2 TEAspoons in a cup of coffee/milk, and a generous teaspoon of Splenda.

    Reply
  23. desperate housewife

    My mom always dieted successfully by eating toast every morning, turkey sandwich for every lunch, whatever dinner we all were having, and popcorn for snacks. I never knew how she did it, going MONTHS like that. I can’t stand eating the same stuff every day, so this could definitely be a reason I’ve never managed to diet more than a week. Although, I could probably eat CHOCOLATE ever day of my life and not get bored…

    Reply
  24. Erin

    Thanks Swistle. I always thought baking chocolate was not at all sweet, so that’s why it seemed funny to me. But I guess that’s where the Splenda comes in. I am so in love with my Coffeemate creamers, I don’t know if I could give them up. But I love chocolate and coffee combo.

    Reply
  25. Black Sheeped

    Here’s something counterproductive: basically everyone I work with is currently doing Weight Watchers/some other form of weight loss program. Customers, etc, bring us snacks frequently. Lots of delicious, delicious, oreo-related and/or home-made Chex mix related snacks. So I tell myself, to help the dieters, I must eat the snacks to get rid of them. Buttery Chex mix at nine in the morning? It’s for the greater good! Taking home a piece of fudge for the (four minute) drive home? I’m making a SACRIFICE!

    Reply
  26. Lisa

    I have the same thing from See’s and I have started ranking the candies on the sheet so my husband can order appropiately. During both of my pregnancies I had Gestational Diabetes (yay) so I missed Easter. Immediately after pushing out the babies I was given giant bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs with the candy shell. MMMMMMM

    Reply
  27. Melissa H

    I got a pound of sees candy for valentines day. I think it was gone by the 17th. And i didn’t share hardly any…. obscene, yes, but sees is sooooo good. I didn’t realize you could get it in your part of the nation.

    Reply
  28. Sarah

    OH my – See’s candy – my all time favorite! I have to have my brother send me custom mixes from California!! Me and my husband (mostly me) can get through a 2lb box in just a couple of weeks. How embarrassing!

    Reply
  29. Badness Jones

    Aaahhh! My diet is going well too, but I bought the kids Easter candies today, and hid it all upstairs in the closet, and promised myself that I wouldn’t touch it, and now one kid is asleep and the other one is at a friend’s house, and the candy is calling me….oh be strong! Easter candy is TOTALLY the best kind. OH Dove caramel eggs, how I

    Reply
  30. Jen

    Oh! I have another snack for you to try, if you haven’t already: Fiber One chocolate & oat granola bars (I haven’t had any other flavor yet). They’re almost as good as a big cookie.

    Reply

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