I’ve been thinking about Devan, whose husband is in trouble right now for seeing dishes in the sink and asking her, “What did you DO all day?” Devan has a toddler and a newborn. Devan’s husband still has all his parts attached, but it may be just a matter of time.
What I’VE been doing all day is thinking about that question. I think of it as living on the list of questions and comments that are never under any circumstances okay to use. It doesn’t seem as if we would have to come out and say that these were Forbidden; it seems like at this point it would be understood by everyone in the entire human race that these are the things you say right before rotten produce starts flying through the air toward your face. And yet no.
So for the sake of those who are still struggling with this, claiming angrily not to be mind-readers, I think we should compose a cheat sheet: a list of all the things no one should ever, ever say. I’ve made a start on it:
- What did you DO all day?
- I work all day.
- Is that on your diet?
- Have you been putting on weight?
- Sure, you could stand to lose a few pounds.
- Is that what you’re wearing?
- This isn’t rocket science.
- I hope we can still be friends.
- I love you, I’m just not “in love” with you.
- I have a new co-worker—younger than us, but she’s already had a highly successful career as a porn star! Smart, too! We talked for hours today about [insert boring work problem here] and she was so interested and had such great ideas!
Did you have your child “naturally”?
Umm, yeah, where do you think this baby came from? If I “had” the child, then it was “natural”. If you mean did I push him out, then yes. But does it really matter. Just because a woman needs a c-seciton, doesn’t mean she didn’t give birth to her child. And I assure you, it was all VERY natural.
Oooooh, hubs asked me what I did one day when I hadn’t done the dishes. Erg – I yelled a little. That is at the top of my list of don’t go there. Right before – Are you going to the gym today? and Is that on your diet?
Great list.
How ’bout: “You should make them pick up after themselves.” Because obviously that’s not something I’m working on ALL THE TIME!!!
Or: “If this house wasn’t so dusty, we wouldn’t be sick.” Um, honey, if YOU hadn’t brought home STREP from the office, we wouldn’t be sick. And if dust is so offensive, than WHY DON’T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT???? The can of Pledge and the dust cloth are right where I put them… six months ago! ;)
Oh, so funny. Ex-husband used #9 on me – it wasn’t a good sign.
This is a great list! I am a full-time working mother and have an amazing husband, so some on this list doesn’t apply to me, and believe me, I do not take this for granted.
However, one I’d like to add is: “You have your period AGAIN?”
Yeah, it happens every three weeks – it’s how it works. And like I enjoy BLEEDING from my nethers for five days AND like I’m not too exhausted for sex anyway!
How come we can both work and take care of her and the house and at the end of they day, he still has the energy for sex and I am unconscious?
Also, add:
“Why did you dye your hair that color?” and also
ha! Great list Swistle. How about adding:
“well, my mother did XYZ and she never complained.” or “Mom used to do it this way…”
GAH!
“Why isn’t dinner ready yet?”
“Can’t you get the baby to stop crying?”
“Don’t you think the garbage cans are getting a little full?”
My response: “Ummm…..are your arms broken or something? Or is it just your brain?”
i always hated..hows marriage do you like it? along with, YOU ACT LIKE THIS IS HARD!!!!!! yeah and now you want me to mash your twig and berries you fucker.
Last week, Maddie was sick and I had my hands full of whiney, clingy 6 month old all day long. When Gerald came home from work, I asked him to take her for a few minutes so that I could go to the bathroom. His response? He had something else that needed to be done. Couldn’t I handle it? I replied, yes, and I’ve dealt with her all day. I need a few minutes. His clever reply? “Yeah, but that’s ALL you’ve done today.”
I didn’t speak to him for hours. And it took me three days to calm down enough to talk to him about how inappropriate it was.
How about “what’s for dinner?”. That question grates on my nerves every time I hear it, which is every single bleeping day!
From the public:
“Where did your kids get their blonde hair?” since my husband and I both have dark hair. I taught my oldest daughter to answer “the mailman” when she was about 2.
“Don’t worry, the baby weight will come off eventually.”
“You look too young to have three kids. How old are you?”
From my husband:
“This doesn’t taste like my mom’s (Fill in blank)…”
Are some of these people at least MAIMED? Because that would be satisfying to hear about.
as much as I bitch about my husband he rarely says boneheaded things, but when he does, he goes on a streak for a whole week! and then my friends hate me… Though he has used the “what did you DO all day?” line, and now he does just to be funny. And once, he told me his mother did XYZ with 5 kids and didn’t seem to have a problem, and I reminded him that his mother had her mother, mil, a nanny and a housekeeper to help her out. That shut him right up.
“Did you do something different?” in regards to a dinner..same recipe, same technique, get your head out of your ….
“Chicken, again?”
Sorry, you don’t cook. You don’t get a say.
“Hey, aren’t you going to get that?”, when the phone is ringing right behind his flaming head. And another that kills me is “Why don’t you get my mom to help?” Because, if I wanted to irritate the hell out of myself I could call my own mother.
After my husband has showered, dressed and gotten himself ready for the day he’ll happily bounce downstairs and say, “Are you ready to go?” Sometimes I’ll still be in my pajamas. Just clueless…
“I didn’t smell a dirty diaper.”
great list, by the way!
“Can you do (insert whatever here with C.) I need a little Daddy alone time.”
I’ve started asking for Mommy alone time in return. Also asking him to say hello to the grownups when he goes to work.
how about “are you pregnant?” or “when are you due?” unless you see a human emerging from a woman’s body at that very second, you should NEVER ask these questions.
I have a friend (who is not overweight) but who ALWAYS gets asked this question. The little weight she does carry somehow makes people thinks she’s prego. She works in retail, and she gets asked at least once every 6 months by customers.
When my son was 2-3 and I was chasing him around all day…. “You’d think with all that running around you’d be as thin as a stick.”
Great post!
I have nothing to add other than I’m usually the one with a foot in my mouth. I need to learn to think before I speak.