Last night was a bad night: Henry was fine, just nursing as usual, but Elizabeth woke up crying at 3:10 a.m. and never did go back to sleep. I wrote a whole post about this and about how Paul handled things (a highlight: he hit the wall with his open palm and said in an aggrieved “is this too much to ask?” tone of voice to his post-surgery, up-breastfeeding-in-the-night wife, “ALL I want to do is SLEEP”), but then I deleted it because I noticed it crossed the line from “Ha, ha, my husband is such a cheesehead” into “I actually dislike him and this is a bad marriage,” and since that’s not true, I thought maybe 2 weeks postpartum on 4 hours of sleep was not the right time to write about whether he could possibly love me if he thinks missing sleep is so catastrophically miserable and yet happily lets me suffer it for eight and a half years and counting.
Then I wrote about The Sadness and how I feel it creeping up on me the way it always does after a baby, but then “The Sadness” seemed like such a stupid name as soon as it was out of my head and on the page, and the whole post seemed melodramatic, and I thought it sounded self-pitying and like I was asking for a huggy comment section, so out it went and I will talk about postpartum sadness some other time when I can handle it in a less maudlin manner.
Then I wrote half a sentence about kids not letting Rob sit down on the bus, and I realized I don’t even want to think about that, let alone write about it.
It’s a Down day. I was planning a Target trip, but what was I thinking? With FOUR children, one of whom will want to nurse on 15 seconds’ notice and one of whom woke up four hours too early and one of whom has been grabbing things off shelves and flinging them? I would end up grabbing upper arms and hissing, I just know it, so let’s not do that today.
Instead I put in a load of laundry and tried not to go all martyr over it. Later perhaps I’ll make some fudge. I’ll nurse the baby and not try to do anything else. I am on the verge of tears for no reason, which is classic postpartum for me, and I think it would be best not to push it today.
Also, I have a question for you: What on earth are you doing for Father’s Day? It snuck up on me and I have no idea what to do. I mean, what to have the KIDS do. I don’t get Paul a present from me, but I organize the children to do something for him, and that usually means a trip to the store, but I don’t see that happening. Should I just have them scribble some cards and then I can order a pizza or something? What are you doing that’s easy and cheap? (Hey, keep it clean!)
I’m sorry that your day was so bad for you! Your post struck a pang of fear in my heart as I am 6mths pg with my first, have suffered depression before and am terrified of “The Sadness” that seems inevitable.
Since this is our first “Father’s Day” with impending baby, I’ve gotten my DH a NY Jets onsie w/ booties and a new wallet. I think that’s just right and maybe even generous, as I’m the one baking the kid….
Oh boy, you made the right choice not to venture out today. I hope that your day starts looking up quickly. Fudge sounds like a good solution to me!
What’s this about Rob. Uh oh. Well, maybe talk about it on a better day.
Father’s Day? Well, I’m not sure what to do. He got me a lovely necklace for mother’s day, so I should do something. I know he’d appreciate breakfast in bed. Pizza sounds promising, though, too. Last year we got him (my hubby) a new car stereo. It was something he’d been talking about for months, but he didn’t know I’d given in a bought it. He was thrilled. I know I can’t afford to do anything that extravagent this year. I’ll keep watching, because I’m still open for ideas.
Oh, poor Rob. I know you said you didn’t want to think about it but if it’s any consolation this happened to me as a kid and in some circles I am considered completely normal today.
I’ve got nothing on your Fathers Day dilemma. “The baby” got my husband a t-shirt that says “I Schruted It” and we’re calling that good.
Keep on keepin on, man.
As a mother to a relatively new child and a wife to a husband, I think I can say: Sometimes men just don’t get it. Sometimes they need things not only spelled out to them, but graphs and timeline art as well before the light bulb magically appears above their head as a beacon of understanding. I feel for you, sister.
As to Father’s Day for these wonderful guys who are just a tidge slow to catch on occasionally…Pizza and cards sound awesome. Maybe have the kids learn a song to sing or a little skit? Would they be into that? Perhaps make up a scavenger hunt to play that is Father’s Day themed? Or maybe break out the paints and get each of the kids to do a handprint/footprint on a big piece of paper/posterboard/whatever you have around and write messages on it to Daddy. Well, I hope I have been a little helpful!
Oh what a night! Hopefully tonight is better for you. Your decision to not venture out today made me wonder about something else – what do you do all day to keep all the kids entertained? Are they good at entertaining themselves or are you the Queen of Planned Activities (if that’s possible with a 2 week old)? I try to go out every day because if nothing else it kills a couple hours so I don’t have to be the Constant Entertainment Mommy Machine. You know, sometime when you have oodles of free time and feel like elaborating, I’d be interested.
Sorry I have no helpful Father’s Day suggestions, unless you do what I’m doing – nothing but a card.
I could write an exact same post about Jeff. How do men get so selfish on their “just had a baby wives?”.
Father’s day? I’m putting forth minimal effort because that is what he did. We went out to breakfast the day before Mother’s Day and he complained how crappy the food was. Aren’t I mature.
Can you tell we started our day out fighting?
Fudge sounds good.
a bag of quikcrete, a couple of pie tins, a few rocks/marbles/stones/etc. mix it up, pour it in, a hand/footprint/name etc. the kids throw some rocks around it, etc and TA-DA! stepping stones for the garden/landscaping/shurbs/etc.
now are you going to send me some fudge for that rockin’ idea?
(((((Swistle)))))
Sorry your day sucked so bad. Just remember it gets better!
Check out http://www.familyfun.com for some fun Fathers Day ideas.
Wow! What a rough night! Its amazing what being sleep deprived can do to you and your dh!! I hope it gets better soon!!
I do need to tell you that you are wonder woman and deserve a medal for taking all five children out alone to city hall and taco bell! You are my HERO!!! :D I hope that makes you feel better!!
The first 2 weeks are really hard, it gets better but then by 6 weeks it gets better again! ITs so hard to muddle through all the crazy emotions going through your head and balance out motherhood at the same time.
Jaidnoire: I do think it’s a little better when you know it might be there. Some people get totally surprised by it, and I think that’s worse.
Tessie: That made me feel better almost right away, and I reminded myself of it every time I had a cringe about the situation. I had bus trouble, too, and I guess it didn’t ruin my life. Just my bus ride.
Shelly: Good topic idea!
Shannon: I wish you could come over and we could eat fudge and bitch about our husbands and admire each other’s babies.
Mrs. M: I LURVE that idea–but it sounds like shopping AND project. This year I’m thinking of something that involves only a dialing finger or a bossy voice.
I hate those postpartum icky days. I hope all of you are feeling happier soon.
And Father’s Day? Ummmm. That is Sunday right? so far I am doing nothing. I imagine I will have the kids make him cards. And we are going to a monster truck show Saturday so that totally counts right? ;)
We’re not really doing anything for Father’s Day. Months ago we booked our vacation for this week… and then realized it’s Father’s Day. So… we’ve decided to say “Happy Father’s Day… enjoy the beach!” All I did was buy cards.
It’s a strange thing to say I’m sure… but what a great picture!
first haha your blog cracks me up. second. shit fathers day uggg. i’m on bed rest so my husband is gonna get some couch lint and bed bugs in a box! i had baby blues too. later looking back it was hilarious how i would just start bawling because i got a long fork and not a short one or something equally retarded. i love that you grab arms and hiss that is the best visual ever. i’m not there yet with brandon but i imagine i will be really big on hissing and arm grabbing. again your totally cracking me up today
Oh! I have written this post in my head so many times! YES on the hissing and grabbing arms! YES my husband is exactly like that!
I had bus trouble too- in high school! Couldn’t get my license fast enough…
My husband always says “food and sex” when I ask what he wants for any given holiday. Given Henry’s age, I say ordering a pizza is a really good idea, along with a raincheck for the sex part!
But wait, you wanted something from the kids. Never mind about that then. Just get pizza.
Smart Mama to stay home today. The Sadness is a good word for it, because that’s how you feel. I hope it passes for you quickly.
Father’s Day – d painted a piece of pottery and I put his handprint and o’s footprint on it. That involved going to a pottery store with a lot of breakables, which, let’s just say I don’t recommend.
My dad’s alltime favorite Father’s Day gift is a plain white t-shirt that we each put our handprints on in different colored paint with our name underneath. That was 15 years ago and he STILL wears it on Father’s Day. :)
YOu might enjoy this as a sleep deprived mom. :)
Get out the markers, crayons, and make coupons for nice things the kids can do for Dad. Depending on the kids ages, (i just found you), it could be remove all trash from dad’s car, bring dad his shoes for work, put away his lunch bag, etc. You could print the chore and the kids could color the coupons.
I’m so sorry, Swistle. Sending Henry some sleep vibes…
As for Father’s Day. Gavin hasn’t told me what he wants to do or what he wants. I’m hoping I’ll get off easy this year. :)
I remember the sadness, I suppose thats just a part of the birth process.
As for fathers day, I think the idea of the kids making their own cards is great. And if you feel you need to get him something and don’t want to leave the house there is always amazon and target.com
Hiya! I have just read your archives, and am loving the blog. I’m one of five children, (number 3) and my little sisters are twins, so our family dynamic was very similar to yours (not so much now that we are all adults). We have two bathrooms, but A and R slept in the same room as V until V left home and got married, so fear not about sharing etc.
On father’s day – my favourite thing to do is to make my dad a video montage using a father/daughter song. This year I am using my father’s eyes, because I happen to be the only one of my siblings to have truly brown eyes like my dad. It’s dead simple to do in an age of digital cameras (I had to scan all of my kiddie photos in; there were no digital cameras when I was little) and then use Windows Movie Maker to create a gorgeous example of a video. You can see last year’s video here: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v301/hallie2985/?action=view¤t=Fathers_Day.flv . It’s not as good as this year’s will be because I made it whilst at university and had to work with the photographs I had available, so mostly it’s pictures of my cousin and my dad or things I found online. But you get the idea. It’s cheap, and it’s much more personal than a bottle of aftershave. We’ll also go out for a meal as a family, which is obviously easier for us given that we have nine adults and one twenty-month old to consider rather than five under-tens. In former years we would have had roast dinner at home. Personally, I think as long as something is done as a family to commemorate the day it doesn’t much matter how it is done.
OK, Swistle, post idea:
Swistle’s Fudge Recipe
Pretty please?
I’m not doing anything too elaborate for Father’s Day- for two years in a row, my gift has been a homemade card (think: computer paper folded in half and I Love You written in crayon type of thing- nice, but not exactly an involved or time-consuming effort) and a homemade gift certificate to “go shopping.” Again, nice, fine, but since there was clearly little thought involved, I don’t feel the need to go all crazy coming up with something creative in return. In a way, it’s a relief.
And now about you: I cannot think of a better name for that feeling than The Sadness, because that’s all it is. It is there, tangible as a heavy backpack you lug around all day, and it is inexplicable and almost debilitating. I am dealing with bouts of it already so you really struck a chord with me. Pre-post partum depression, I guess. And the only thing you can do is cling like hell to that lifeboat of reason that tells you “This, too, shall pass.”
Swistle’s Fudge Recipe: Better Homes & Gardens cookbook, “Old-Time Fudge.” It’s the kind you cook. It is YUM.
Last year I totally botched Father’s Day and had no excuse to, just….flaked.
Not that I’m doing much better this year, but I called up a neighborhood kid to come mow our lawn tomorrow, so hubby doesn’t have to do it, and I went to Dillards and shopped for him, not me, which was a huge sacrifice. ;)
Hope your baby blues go away soon and Elizabeth took a long nap.
Last year, I had the kids put together a scrapbook for their dad. They put favorite photographs, colored pictures, and said what they loved about their daddy. They also said what they loved most about their daddy. It was really sweet to see what they wrote.
Gosh swistle, it sounds like you could use some help. Aside from stating the obvious I wish I were able to give you a hand and I don’t even know you . . . hang in there and remember to have the older kids help you during the day w/small tasks & entertaining the twins. Don’t try to do it all yourself . . . oh who am I kidding, you have 5 kids, you know what you’re doing, I guess I’m just hoping to offer you some encouragement. Take care!