What I hate most about the work/home so-called “mommy war” is the very fact of its existence. Well, that and the stupid term “mommy war,” which is as condescending as “mommyblogger.”
I’ll bet most of us believe that there are lots of good choices on the work/home spectrum, and most of us could imagine making different choices than the ones we made. I’ll bet most of us don’t think that other people should necessarily make the same choices we made, any more than we think other people should get the same haircut. Sure, there are a few people who think there’s only one way to do things, but we don’t like those people, do we? Nor do we care what they think. Losers.
But then some stupid new study comes out, a study that will probably be overturned within a year. Or somebody abrasive gets on the radio with an all-the-way-to-one-side point of view. Or there’s a TV special designed to get people all upset because it’s so very good for ratings. And here is the part that surprises me every time: women line up on one side or the other as if obeying the command to fight at the sound of the bell. Women who felt attacked raise up their defenses. Women who felt vindicated get all smug.
Dumb! All of it is dumb. Here are some things I think we can all agree on: We don’t want to be told by other people how we should live our lives. Right? We don’t want people shoving their way into our houses and saying that the choices we’ve made are stupid or wrong. Right? We don’t want to be told that the only way to do it is someone else’s way. Right? And we don’t want to fight about this stupid topic anyway. Right? So why do we turn against each other when those study/radio/TV people open their fat yaps? Why don’t we instead turn as one whole united body and give those fat-yapped people the finger. New study? The finger! Abrasive radio personality? The finger! Television program pretending to be concerned and unbiased? Two fingers! Then we can turn away, a solid row of backs not interested in anything as stupid as a war we didn’t start and don’t want to fight.
First in line to flip the bird!
This wouldn’t by any chance be prompted by the annual “what an at-home mother would be paid in the workforce” article that came out yesterday that my husband emailed me, would it? :)
Speak it sister! I couldn’t agree with you more.
Just out of curiosity, what prompted this post???
The most direct prompt was that I heard about some stupid study, and in fact I heard about it because a few people blogged about how bad it made them feel. And it made me mad that some stupid study could make parents doubt their decisions.
I heartily agree Swistle! The whole thing depresses me. This is something us european moms watch from afar and generally run screaming away from…. and yes, bitch about silly americans that get their knickers in a twist over individual choices to each other. Now, I don’t mean that us over here are any better in the parenting department. But I think we are better at telling people to butt out of our parenting choices.
So more power to you.
Totally. The whole thing is just stupid and most moms would agree. I’ve done both: Worked, worked from home and stayed at home and each choice was really really hard. We have enough guilt without having it forced on us.
Flying Middle Flinger towards the entire topic! ;-)
Would you like to make out with me?
I agree with you whole heartedly. If the “powers that be” aren’t telling you how to raise your children, they’re telling you what to eat, what to drive, where to go and how to perform when you get there. Fuck them all. The BIG middle finger goes up to anyone who tries to tell me how to live my life. It’s MY life and I’ll live it any damn way I want, so there.
On another note, you have been tagged for a silly Internet Blog game. Play if you like. Details are in my most recent post.
You have an excellent point! I HATE when this topic is brought up, I have never in my real life met another mother or woman who has tried to tell me that what I’m doing is wrong or that what she’s doing is better than what I’m doing. It’s just “the man” or “the media” or something playing on the insecurities of well-meaning mamas.
Ditto. I hate it, too.
I could swear I read an artile recently that said the whole “war” was a fabrication of the media and few people even care enough to get heated about it. I can’t find it.. maybe I dreamed it.
Oh wait – here it is!
Y-s, Ind–d. I am giving the fing-r as I typ-, in fact. (I’m l-ft han—) :-)
Good in theory but impossible in practice because the fight is really in each of our own minds. It may look like we’re fighting each other but really we’re just projecting our own doubts onto others regarding our decisions to SAH, WOH, or some combination thereof.
And those you standing on the sidelines scratching your heads and shouting Flip The Bird At It All! may just be the ones who have come to peace with the issue.
I agree completely. We don’t need any help finding things to disagree on, and we should spend a lot more time supporting each other, since no one else seems interested in doing so.
So perfectly said, there’s nothing more to add.
I like any excuse to use that finger. ;)
AMEN, Sister! You tell it like it is!
HUZZAH!
The media SUCKS! I stear clear of the papers and tv news just for that reason. So what if I’m ignorant about current events–I’m also not panic-stricken about my life’s choices, or some obscure disease that has about a nil percent chance of coming anywhere near me, etc., etc., etc.
None of my SAH friends make me feel bad about my having to work. Why is the media trying to drive me into a panic attack??? Just because it sells, folks. You’re so right, Swistle. UP YOURS, media!
AMEN! Well said!
What a great post! I just recently ranted in my own way about the opinions of others in raising my child. Only my complaint wasn’t against the media (which, I whole heartedly agree needs a good smack down) but about the fact that other mothers seem to be so hard on each other. As you said, do we all think that there is only one right and one wrong way? Whatever works for you is the right thing to do. Full stop.
by the way, I got to you through Stacie.