Do you know where I’ve been this weekend? Sick in bed! That’s right: actually in bed, sick. I had a bad cold last week, and then Friday night things went downhill fast: chills, fever, burning throat, hurting all over. On Saturday morning my parents took all the kids, and Paul took me to the urgent care office that has weekend hours. “Upper respiratory infection” does not seem adequate to describe how crappy I felt and still feel, and so I’m not sure there has been a correct diagnosis, but I am willing to give it a little time. After all, on Saturday morning I wasn’t sure I could wait the one hour until my appointment, whereas today I am sitting at my computer complaining, so clearly things have improved.
I haven’t been this sick since I had strep throat several years ago, and that time was a real bummer because Paul had it too, and so neither of us could stay in bed. Since then, Paul has been “sick enough to stay in bed” (that is, run-of-the-mill headcold) about a zillion times, and I have been “sick enough to stay in bed” (that is, sick enough to stay in bed) zero times. So this was an interesting opportunity for me to see just how things would run without me, and how things will run without me when I’m in the hospital having the baby.
Here is what happens. Paul does a good job in general: children are dressed and fed and alive, and they have fun. But even though I think of myself as a crappy housekeeper, it is clear from even two days’ absence that I must be doing certain levels of cleaning that keep things from falling apart. After two days without me, the kitchen floor is covered in crumbs, and there are chunks of food that fell under the high chairs without being cleaned up. Dishes have been done and even put away, but they are gritty and/or greasy, and they are in the wrong cupboards. My pink-and-white spring towels have evidently been used to clean up some sort of industrial accident. The twins’ teeth haven’t been brushed. They had pizza one night and no one’s clothes have been stain-treated. Rob and William played outside in the mud twice, and their caked, muddy clothes are sitting in the hampers, chunks of mud sifted all the way down through the rest of the clothes. Saturday’s mail is sitting on the counter. Elizabeth had a dreadlock that took me fifteen minutes to pick out this morning, because that’s what happens if her hair isn’t combed three or four times a day.
But I did get to stay in bed. And there were only about two total interruptions of the “Where do we keep the…?” variety. And there was not one single “Oh, do you want to go in there to be with Mommy?” And those are valuable things indeed.
In some ways it’s nice to know that things don’t go perfectly without me. It makes me feel as if the work I do for the family is important, useful work that improves the quality of our lives. On the other hand, it’s irritating to see how quickly so many things fall apart if I don’t handle them, as if I’m somehow the only person equipped with the magical powers necessary to hang up wet towels. I remember this being the same in the workplace: it’s nice to be missed, but annoying to come back to piles of work that no one else seemed able to figure out how to do–especially the things a hamster could have done.
Also annoying, both in the workplace and in the home: having to congratulate co-workers or a husband for managing to do even a small fraction of what you usually do. I made it a point to thank Paul several times for handling everything. My intent was to set a good example for the next time HE stays in bed all weekend and I have to handle everything. It is hard to tell, though, when I’m “setting a good example” and when I’m “reaffirming that all of this is my job and he’s a total hero to handle anything at all.”
I’m glad you are feeling better and that you had the time to rest in bed. I got strep throat while pregnant with my first child and I have never felt so sick. The pregnancy factor just makes things way worse. Rest more if you can!
Sometimes it’s just easier NOT to stay in bed. Then you don’t have mountains of work to do when you’re back.But I hope you got some rest and you are feeling better.
Good to hear you’re getting better. I hope it goes away quickly.
I totally know what you mean about the gratitude. I’ve stopped thanking Matt for doing the little things that he NEVER thanks me for. I think that defeats the purpose too. But still, sometimes I want him to know it’s nice when he does it.
Oh no… sickness is not fun at all. Glad you are feeling a little better today. Also, thank goodness for your parents coming to take the kids for a while!
My mother & I just had this conversation this weekend. When Hubby does things around the house (like unload the dishwasher), I always tell him thank you so he knows I appreciate the effort he’s gone to. Now I wonder why the hell I bother. He dirties the dishes, too, and it isn’t as if the dishwasher is MY domain and he somehow helped me out by unloading it. Also, how is it that I can vacuum while he sits there watching tv and he doesn’t mind, but if he vacuums while I am not doing anything, I feel guilty? It’s stupid.
wow that sucks. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better.
I don’t leave anything to question. I either make up my mind not to let his way bug me, or I tell him in explicit detail how to do it and then get mad when he does it his way anyway. It’s win-win!
Glad you got some actual rest. I know how you feel. It’s good to be loved and needed, but do we need to be loved and needed quite so much??
Go back to bed! Hibernate as long as possible, and let Paul witness the destruction that is life without Swistle!
Poor Swistle. Infections of ANY sort suck suck suck, so I don’t think you need a more hardcore diagnosis to get sympathy. :) I hope you continue to feel better! Keep getting your rest!
I smiled at your comparison to workplaces. Everytime I go away for a few days, the floor at work hasn’t been swept, everything is a huge stupid mess, and orders no one else wanted to deal with–regardless of if they were easy or not–are still sitting where I left them. Ugh.
I’m sorry you got the crud. I hope you’re back to your good old self soon.
My bff and I were talking about the gratitude thing tonight. I always thank Gerald for doing things around the house. But the reverse isn’t true. I did 7 loads of laundry yesterday. This includes washing, drying, folding/hanging up and putting away, and remaking all 3 beds with clean sheets. Did I get one mumbled word of thanks? Of course not.
I even thank him when he takes care of the baby. Like she’s not his daughter, too. Like he’s the hired help or he’s doing me a favor. WTF is that about?
Oh man. Sorry about the sickness, but more sorry about the grease, food chunks and industrial accident. It is going to suck when you recover and have to clean all that up. Just STAY SICK!
Sorry you’ve been sick, but at least you got to stay in bed mostly uninterrupted. :)
A few things:
1) It’s great that you’re feeling better! :-)
2) Which pair of sandals did you choose?
I hope you’re feeling much better today! And all that work you did this morning? Feeding everyone and getting some off to school? I really appreciated that.
(Okay, that reads sarcastic, but it was meant to make you smile!)