Are you guys reading Tending Violet? The link is in my short list to the right; a new column comes out on Friday nights or Saturday mornings. Joyce has a daughter Violet who’s just a couple of months older than my twins, and I think Joyce writes about this age perfectly: the ups, the downs, the charms, the frustrations. This week’s column is especially right-on, I thought, and also brings up that feeling a lot of us have sometimes about how we’re shedding options like winter fur as we spend these years bringing up our children–and how it might be even worse later on when we’re not bringing up the children anymore. Geez, I made it sound like a real downer–way to plug, Swistle. I just mean she Gets It: she doesn’t oversell the joys and wonders, and she doesn’t downplay them either; and she’s thinking of now, and Before, and also Later, and I like to think of those things too.
As I anticipate the little newcomer, I like to re-read Joyce’s older columns from when Violet was just born–like this one that helps me remember what it’s like to have a newborn, or this one that does the same thing but in such a funny and tender way it makes me feel all emotional: weepy and also laughing and also just about dying from the baby cuteness. Some of the columns can be hard to read because they can bring back so vividly those crazy feelings a new baby seems to bring home from the hospital in a package for you to open gradually over the next few months; others will make those of you who don’t have children want to go out and get knocked up right this very second. I’ve been enjoying the mix for nearly two years now, and wondered if you might enjoy it too.
Seriously, I’m not stalking you, I’m just really bored at work and surfing around and around.
I’ll come out and say it and be the bitch: I don’t like Tending Violet. It’s sort of…too general and sort of cliche. Or something. It’s just uninteresting to me. I don’t read many blogs, and all but yours address primarily career-track issues. I can’t say why exactly I like your blog either, apart from the good writing – perhaps it’s just that you’ve found the key to blogging interestingly about the little things, which not many of us have figured out how to do.
On the Ghost post from Tending Violet – I also find I can’t relate, apart from some kind of feeling that my life is not as filled with a perception of possibilities as it once was. But I suppose I feel that it was all a perception, not a reality. It is so easy to conceptualize all the possibilities for your life but so difficult to carry through most of the time. I guess I don’t feel as though I have less possibilities now, but rather, less enthusiasm to go actualize more than I have right now.
I like Tending Violet, although sometimes she makes me feel bad with her descriptions of the blissful days she and Violet have, eating their organic fruit which was delivered from the organic fruit service, and strolling the streets of their city and popping in quaint little restaurants and whatnot. It makes me feel a little bored with suburbia, where the only foods that get delivered are pizzas and Schwann’s items, and where we have to drive fifteen minutes to stroll around together, and then we’re strolling through the mall or Kohls as there are not exactly an abundance of unique little shops or restaurants in our town.
But these things are not Joyce’s fault, and she seems like an awesome mom. I’m just jealous of her city life sometimes. Not jealous of the space issues and the apartment hunting, though.
Penny: That is such an interesting point about the PERCEPTION of possibilities. It knocked me back on my heels a little. I think you’re right: I think sometimes we might mourn the loss of things we wouldn’t have had anyway. Still, time is seriously running out for me to become a ballerina, and I totally blame the children.
I love Joyce. She’s so fun and vibrant and I so want to meet her in real life and see if she’s really like that–and I have a feeling she really is.
She would be the friend I would call up for a playdate if *I* needed cheering up and an energy boost. (Catherine Newman I would call for EVERY REASON I could think of, and she would be getting sick of me and trying to shoo me off, I’m sure).
Violet is just a few months younger than my youngest, so reading Joyce is like reading echos of my own recent Izzy experiences–just without the unending energy on the mommy part and the cool city back drop.
I’ve been trying my hardest not to dwell on my “past life” and what could have been. It’s hard, though. Penny, you’re right–the possiblities (or perception thereof) really are still there, just so hard to carry through now….
I identify with the “shedding of options” as well but I also think that you are always shedding options no matter what you choose, “mommy track” or otherwise.
Interesting point about the perception of possibilities. I’m reading a book called “Stumbling on Happiness” right now; in it the author says that humans tend to inaccurately and over-optimistically imagine our futures/possible future tracks, which leads to unhappiness and “grass is greener” mentality.
ANYWAY. Back to the point, I like Tending Violet. I pretty much eat up the experiences of other mothers in any shape or form these days.
I have to delurk for this one. I love Joyce and Violet. I have been reading Tending Violet since my girl was born (she’s almost two) and she is just a few weeks younger than Violet. It has been so helpful to read Joyce’s experiences as a new mother because almost always I find myself living those same experiences just a few weeks later.
Being a mom who works outside of the home full time I have to agree with Desperate Housewife, I too find myself feeling a bit jealous of Joyce and the time and adventures she and Violet share.
I had never read it till today, but I found it enjoyable. Now I have to start reading it regularly, damn you!! ;)
I’ve been reading Tending Violet since Catherine Newman left Baby Center. I like it. Her life, lifestyle are so different from mine…it’s fun to read someone whose life parallels mine in so many ways – but is also similar in others.
Good sell – made me want to go reread some of the baby ones too.
Sorry, but I agree with Penny. Don’t care for Tending Violet. I get bored reading her blog by the first paragraph. However, I love the way you write. I look forward to reading your posts every day :)
I did read her “ghost post” and, IMHO, I like my settled life MUCH more than my “carefree” single life. I enjoyed college and the year or two after, but I am happier now. I have a great job, an amazing husband, 2 beautiful kids, my dream home, etc. Single life was OK, but there was so much uncertainty. I like being settled and enjoying my life.
And now I will become the super bitch…..I don’t like Catherine Newman much either. Yep, that’s right…you can all hate me now :)
I am with Anonymous. I love you Swistle, and relate far more to you than I do to Tending Violet.
I am almost always completely enthralled with my life as it is right now. I spent so much time in the past wanting things to be different and looking at everyone else’s green grass. I still bitch and moan but I have learned to live in this day today for now.
Which is not say I dont sometimes miss Happy Hour. And Spring break. And that I didnt go to Medical School when I had the time.
Dear Anonymous: If you must dislike Catherine Newman, which you certainly have the right to, you must be brave enough to say who you are! Such a person must be further investigated.
Desparate Housewife: That is exactly why I commented anonymously. :) I knew my statement would cause angry feelings in others. I just don’t care for her writing. I find it boring. (IMHO)
Sounds interesting…I’ll definitely check it out. Thanks for the link.
anon – I like catherine newman’s writing, but I have to say, I liked her early babycenter stuff better than the later bc or wondertime stuff. A lot of the articles seem to meander to nowhere, with nothing of note on the journey to the dead end. It takes guts to publicly write about your family turmoil though. I think she should funnel her good writing into a work of fiction at this point.
Penny- You make a good point. I really miss the Baby Center journal days. I don’t know why, but her entries were funnier or more pointed or SOMETHING then that made them more to be looked forward to. I still read her regularly, but I agree, the Wondertime stuff is a little more rambly lately.
I blame Wondertime for the slip in awesomeness: They’re all about “the JOY of parenting, not the JOB of parenting,” whereas I’m about ready to gag on the joy and would prefer to discuss the job. But she’d have to write what they wanted.
Well, maybe I wouldn’t like you guys either if I read your blogs. Nothing quite like tooling around the internet and finding people saying mean stuff about you. Thanks for that!
Um, Joyce? Did you see the 20 or so comments on Swistle’s current post that say how much they adore you and your writing? Yes, there are some comments here saying that they don’t like your writing, and I know that’s hurtful, but most of them don’t seem like they don’t like you as a person or as a mother. They just don’t relate to your experiences or don’t particularly like your writing style. I don’t mean this harshly at all, it just seemed to me that way more people loved you than disliked your blog.
I hear you, Shelly. Ugh. It’s just hurtful to come across yourself being dissected. thanks for reminding me not to horriblize.