Shelly at Scenic Overlook tagged me for this Three Things meme. I do what Shelly says. She is one fierce-looking purple M&M chick.

Three Things That Scare Me:
1. house fire
2. choking
3. deep water (it’s the “me dangling above” part and the “things below” part–not the fear of drowning in it)

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. Roz Chast
2. Mitch Hedberg
3. Sundry

Three Things I Love:
1. postcards
2. L’Artisan perfume
3. babies, and the naming of them, and the buying of clothes and equipment for them, and the taking pictures of them, and the snuggling and sniffing of them, and the anticipation of them, and the planning of them, and the not-planning of them

Three Things I Hate:
1. W@lmart
2. insurance problems
3. morning sickness

Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. why my mother-in-law thinks I should cook breakfast for her every morning when she’s visiting
2. what the word “ironic” means
3. what our homeowners’ policy DOES cover, and why it goes up so much every year considering we never make claims on it and considering it keeps covering less

Three Things On My Desk:
1. Chapstick Lip Moisturizer
2. an empty cup that once held ice cream
3. someone’s very nice pen–who did I accidentally steal it from?

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. agitating about something minor and stupid that doesn’t matter
2. listening to a Schoolhouse Rock album
3. thinking about when I’m going to eat those Cadbury Creme Eggs (I went into the other room after typing that to see if it was “creme” or “cream,” and the answer turned out to be “eating one right now”)

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. have lots of grandchildren
2. help someone deliver a baby who arrives unexpectedly and is totally fine
3. write the kind of detailed will that assigns small, thoughtful items to people important to me (“My diamond stud earrings to my dear friend Lee, who…”)

Three Things I Can Do:
1. make fudge from scratch
2. swim
3. chart my cycle like a trained professional

Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. use a sewing machine
2. play an instrument
3. put on mascara without my eyelashes feeling unpleasantly sticky with each blink

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Blink-182
2. Consumer Reports
3. the nagging feeling that maybe you’ll regret saying something you’re about to say

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. media personalities who drive your blood pressure up
2. interviews with authors or actors whose work you admire
3. anyone trying to scare you about something they also happen to be selling the expensive solution for

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. how to put up the goldanged Christmas lights evenly
2. how to stop agitating about things that don’t matter
3. which things are worth saving in large boxes in the basement for years and years, and which things aren’t

Three Favorite Foods:
1. pizza
2. “chicken in a creamy sauce” dishes
3. Pong Wok chicken, eaten at China Express and never found anywhere ever again

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. Sesame Street
2. Mr. Rogers
3. 3-2-1 Contact

Three Things I Regret:
1. not dating Jonathan
2. being too scared of the CPA exam to try for it
3. buying so many 39-cent stamps (I was celebrating finally using up all my 37-cent stamps)

Three People I’m Tagging (no pressure, just if it seems like fun to do):
1. Shauna at Pass the Chocolate
2. Trena at You, Me and a Baby
3. el-e-e at hello, self