I am so, so interested in pregnancies and new babies. When someone I know–even if I only barely know them–has a baby, my impulse is to go nuts bringing over muffins and casseroles in disposable containers, wee little outfits, cute baby toys, etc. It is a sad, sad thing to me that this is not a good idea, since people don’t like it when other people go nuts disproportionate to their actual relationship. I could go nuts like this with my best friend or with a sibling, but not with someone I know from waiting to pick up our older kids at kindergarten.
Which brings me to the problem of how nuts may I go? Every day when I’m dropping William off at kindergarten, I chat with Tracy about her pregnancy. Now that I’m pregnant, we often talk about mine as well–but she’s farther along, and I’m nosier, so we mostly talk about hers. She’s going to have a c-section tomorrow, and what I want to know is how many things can I give her without it seeming weird? I think I can drop off a batch of muffins and a card, but can I do more than that?
I think this particular situation is made much more complicated by my pregnancy. Anything nice I do for her, she might feel like she has to do the same things for me when my baby is born. And if this isn’t the kind of situation where she’d normally think it was necessary to exchange baby gifts, this may make her feel uncomfortable, and unpleasantly obligated. Not everyone likes to give presents, and in fact a lot of people don’t.
If it’s her first baby, you could go proportionally more nuts and give the excuse, via a card, that the accomplishment of a first delivery deserves a little pampering. Then maybe she wouldn’t feel as obligated to go nuts over you if she didn’t want to.
I have the same issue: a sort-of friend (more aquaintence) had twins recently. I met her once to go on a walk, and in my enthusiasm for offering assistance I offered to actually show her how to breastfeed while lying on one’s side. I think this squigged her out. What I meant was that I would show her by example, you know, with my own baby and my own boob, but maybe this is still weird. In my defense, I had just read a Catherine Newman Babycenter column where she demonstrates this same concept for her friend (a very close friend, though) and I thought the whole thing was kind of neat to read. But I found it doesn’t really work with a woman you don’t know all that well.
Go nuts, I say, because even if it’s weird a new mother (for the first time or all over again) always deserves to be showered with gifts and kindness.
On an unrelated note, I have to thank you for the tip of freezing sandwiches (several posts ago now). I hate making sandwiches, which I make only for myself, but still I dread the deed.
I was so happy to learn that freezing them does not make them taste bad at all, and now I’m making all my week’s sandwiches at once.
For my best friend here, I went a little nuts. I had access to their house to walk the dog, so while she was in labor I went and brought over baby blankets and diapers (and lots of chocolate), and I cleaned their house. Not super cleaning, but I did the dishes and straightened things up, etc. I don’t know, if I didn’t know the woman very well, I’d bring food and some diapers or other baby-ish gifts, but I’d be unsure about anything else.
Can you come live by me before I have my next baby, please?!!! Okay, all kidding aside–I would have totally loved having someone do something like this when Owen was born. In my ‘real’ life, I tend to give off the prickly vibe (I’m not–it’s more because I’m really very shy)so nobody really did anything after my baby was born, probably because they were worried that I’d wig out or something. In reality though, I would have loved it and I wouldn’t have felt obligated to reciprocate beyond a really nice thank you card. So you should go with it! Like Penny said, especially if it is her first baby (not that each successive baby isn’t as important as the first–I think you just might not feel quite so “I’ve just been hit by a massive truck” like you do after your first because you just have no idea what it will be like). Food is always a good thing–especially if it is something that could be frozen and doesn’t necessarily have to be used right away.
if its her first c-section, then i would think its okay to make her a frozen meal in addition to the muffins… having had the c-section, its tons worse recovery wise than vag birth. You can’t even lift anything more than your baby for the first two weeks (you can’t even pick up the baby in the carrier — i think a gallon of milk was too heavy)…