It is 1:10 in the morning, and I am still up because one or the other of the twins has been crying since my bedtime more than two hours ago. Sometimes both of them have been crying at the same time, and what I would like to know is, Why am I dealing with this by myself? How is it possible for Paul to be a good human being and still sleep through this? I don’t recall him sleeping through the creation of these children, and yet he is actually snoring as Elizabeth cries in her crib on the other side of the wall.

I’m not sure why they’re crying. It reminds me of how lucky we are that usually they don’t–usually we put them to bed and they sleep until morning. But what is their deal tonight? First Edward cried, and when I went in to soothe him it woke up Elizabeth, who hates having anyone in her room when she’s sleeping. So I settled Edward, but then Elizabeth was all riled. And then I got her back to sleep, right before Edward woke up again, which of course woke her back up. And up. And up. And up. And two hours later I have put her in her crib again, mostly because I am out of ideas. She thinks some good ideas would be to let her roam around and maybe do a little coloring, perhaps have a little snack. I think there is only one good idea, and that is for her to go to sleep. To this end I have tried: (1) having her cry it out; (2) having her come into our bed; (3) having her cry it out; (4) rocking her in the recliner out in the living room; (5) letting her sit on my lap in the recliner while I bitched to my journal; (6) having her cry it out. We are on that last one now.

To be honest, there is a hidden item between numbers 5 and 6: “giving her a dose of Benadryl.” I know it’s not a good idea to dose a kid up with medicine for my convenience. At 12:30 in the morning, I don’t know it as much.

…Suddenly I am picturing someone dosing up a child thrice daily and saying, “But Swistle does it!” I am picturing law suits, liability, my own personal feelings of guilt and responsibility. This is what happens in my mind at this time of night: everything turns into a court case. So let me rush to say that I do this hardly ever. And that you should definitely consult your child’s pediatrician before giving any medication for any reason.

And then I will say, just a teeny whisper into your ear and nothing that could be caught on hidden recording device, that Benadryl really does seem to do the trick in these situations. Well, for some kids: I’ve heard of unlucky mothers who finally resorted to it, only to find that their own personal children reacted to Benadryl as to a shot of espresso. That’s the sort of thing that could make a mother seriously consider ordering that single one-way plane ticket to another country. There are red-eye flights, and you’re up already anyway.