I have been shopping. I had forgotten how exciting it is to shop during a pregnancy. Each item I considered or purchased, I was thinking, “This! This for the new baby!” Each item I buy makes the baby more real to me. One reason I like knowing before the birth if the baby is a girl or a boy is that I can shop like this, and then at home I can gaze at the little unfamiliar items, picturing them on an unfamiliar baby.

I bought two Carter’s sleep-‘n’-plays, blue with puppies, one in size 0-3 months and one SMALLER than that, if you can imagine something so wee: size “newborn” is what babies wear for about a week after they’re born, but YOU try to resist the weensy little things. I also bought two six-packs of teeny-tiny socky-wockies. Two four-packs of onesies, one pack all white and one pack decorated with puppies. PUPPIES. Two fish-shaped teething rings, because he will not have any TEETH.

For myself I ordered four maternity t-shirts. I had a clothing crisis a few nights ago, when I had a social event to go to and nothing good to wear. I’ve been wearing jeans and a men’s t-shirt, but that’s so casual it looked like I was coming to the event straight from scrubbing the toilet. I put on my maternity clothes, and it became clear to me that those items are seriously too big. If I hadn’t saved them I’d be wailing for their loss, but since I did save them I can see they’re not going to work. I should have known, since at the end of my pregnancy with twins those shirts were still roomy. I finally wore the maternity jeans with a non-maternity-but-good-‘n’-stretchy semi-nice shirt, and all evening I was hiking the jeans up and the shirt down. Stylish! So I ordered the new shirts.

Part of me is fretting a little about spending money, but most of me is thinking that shopping is one of the most fun things about being pregnant. And whatever part of me is left is thinking of making a pan of fudge.