My husband smells like hair oil. Stale salsa. Meat. Even the smell of his toothpastey breath is nauseating, and if it’s not toothpastey? Oh my dear Til-death-do-us-part, I can’t sleep unless you turn the other direction. The kids smell like dried sweaty hair, like sheets that need to be changed, like too-strong fabric softener. What on earth possessed me to buy such an intense fabric softener? When I wasn’t pregnant, it smelled so nice, a faint lingering smell of freshness long after the clothes were washed. Now that I’m pregnant, those air molecules are too big to fit in my nose. I can’t breath that in, it’s so strong and chemical.

It’s the same with my shampoo, and the leave-in stuff I usually put in my hair afterwards, and our hand soap: it’s so strong, it slaps me across the face. I’ve switched to my usual pregnancy shampoo: Suave clarifying, a cheapie that for some reason doesn’t bother me with its smell, and which also helps with the hormonal oily hair problem.

In the few days after learning I was pregnant, I was super-charged with adrenaline. Remembering earlier pregnancies, I took advantage of that energy. I concentrated especially on the bathroom, particularly the toilet, over which I knew I would be leaning in no time. (The only thing worse than barfing is barfing and then breathing in the smell of old pee drips.) A week later, the smell of the bleachy cleaner I’d used, which should have been long dissipated, started bothering me. Now the shower curtain and the edges fastening the pieces of shower wall have come down with one of their cases of Sudden Mold, and I can’t deal with it: the only way to banish it is bleachy cleaner, and I can’t stand the smell; but leaving it there makes me feel like throwing up every time I see it.

I understand that this crazy affliction is helping to keep the baby safe. I’m avoiding strong cleaning supply chemicals, and there is no way I’d eat meat that’s even slightly off, I can guarantee you that. The problem is, it’s taking things too far: sometimes there’s no way I’ll eat any meat at all, because of that “meat warming to cooking temperature” smell. Sometimes I can’t drink milk, because of that strong…milk flavor. The stench of cooked eggs lingers for days. Vegetables? Oh god, the smell of the steam while they’re cooking, it is going to send me running for that nice clean toilet.