I can’t believe how much these children already eat. I remember when we had only Robert, and he was about 18 months old, and it cost me about a dollar to feed him if we went to a fast-food place: he’d eat one taco, or one hamburger, or one order of chicken nuggets.

Now Robert is seven years old, and it costs about three dollars to feed him: he can eat two hamburgers, half a thing of fries, and half an order of nuggets. My five-year-old William costs about a dollar-fifty to feed: he can eat a hamburger and the other half of the fries. The twins cost about 75 cents each: between them they can eat a hamburger or an order of nuggets, plus some fries.

The cost of raising children, brought to you for the first time in fast-food terms.

At home, where we USUALLY eat, Mr. or Miss Critical Thoughts, I now need to make three full 2-slice sandwiches for four children, plus four mozzarella cheese sticks, forty grapes, and four cups of milk. When peanut butter goes on sale, I buy eight jars.

I am wondering: should I even be thinking of the teenage years, when I will have THREE teenaged boys chewing up the sofa in their ravenous, ravenous hunt for food?