A. writes:
My husband and I are having difficulty selecting a name for our boy, due in July. We have agreed on a favorite from among the names we both like. My husband is willing to commit to it but I am still going back and forth between feeling that “yes, this is the name” and worrying that giving our son this name would be a disservice to him.
The name is Harper. As I am sure you know, it has risen quickly and quite highly on popularity lists, for girls. It has also continued to rise for boys but at a much more modest rate. I am fine with my son having a unisex name, even one that skews more female than male. But I am worried that Harper is so popular for girls, and so much more so for girls than for boys, that it is really coming to be thought of as girl’s name (I think Ashley is a good example of a name I think of this way) as opposed to a unisex name, more likely to belong to a girl but still sounding fine on a boy (Taylor is a name I think of in this way).
My husband argues that Harper has a masculine sound, so it will always be appropriate for a boy, no matter how many girls are using it, and I agree with him in preferring it as a boy name. I also think that, despite the female popularity ranking, because less people are being given the most popular names than they used to be, girls named Harper will never really be as pervasive as girls named Ashley were in the it’s heyday. It also seems to me that unisex names on boys are a bit more accepted lately than they used to be, names like Avery, Quinn and Emerson still seem to be considered, by many people, to be viable choices for either sex.
I could really use your advice to help me stop wringing my hands over this, I am ready to either commit or move on and I am hoping you and your readers can give me the push I need to do one or the other. If it helps, this is our first child. If this baby were a girl, her name would have been Scarlett. Our last name sounds like Sturgess. Would we be crazy to name our boy Harper? Please, please help!
I disagree with your husband that the name Harper has an inherently and enduringly masculine sound. What sounds masculine or feminine to one generation can completely change for the next generation; your example of Ashley is an excellent one.
The name Harper is difficult to divide into masculine/feminine sounds even if we look at it only from the perspective of what’s currently in style. The syllable “Har” is found in names such as Harmony, Harlow(e), Harley/Harlee/Harleigh, Harvey, and Harlan. We may or may not want to include Charlotte/Charlie/Charles: the sound is similar but affected by the blend with the C. The “Har” found in Harris and Harry and Harrison and Harriet and Harold and Sahara is changed considerably by the pronunciation of the vowel, but may still affect the perception of the letters Har-. We find -per in names such as Piper, Juniper, Cooper, Hooper, Jasper, Temperance, Persephone, Pepper, Perry, Casper.
We could break this down even more: -ar- is found in Arthur and Karl and Arlo and Scarlett and Charlotte and Margaret; -er is found in Heather and Avery and Jennifer and Summer and Tanner and Parker and Christopher. But what I’m seeing overall is that the name Harper doesn’t include any sounds that, if the name became entirely used for girls in the future, would cause it to continue to sound like a boy’s name. Names sound clearly feminine when they’re being used for girls; those same names sound clearly masculine when they’re being used for boys. It’s similar to the way pink used to seem boyish, while blue seemed girlish: usage strongly affects perception.
Let’s look instead at the current usage of the name Harper, since that’s what will affect a child given the name right now. In 2012 in the United States, it was ranked #605 for boys and #24 for girls. It was given to 414 new baby boys and 7154 new baby girls: the average U.S. resident will encounter 17 girls named Harper for every 1 boy named Harper. That’s a large enough difference for it to enter significantly into the package deal of the name Harper. Some people/families would enjoy that and would in fact aim for it; others would be irritated by it and want to avoid it. You’ll have to talk it over and decide if you’re the sort of people who can good-naturedly correct strangers about it again and again, or if having to do so would make you cranky and frustrated.
It will also depend on your particular community. If you live in an area where boys are named Emerson and Homer and Avery and Reece, you’ll encounter fewer issues than if you live in an area where the majority of boys are named John and William and David. If you have friends with children in daycare or preschool, you might be able to get a good sample of local kid names from those class lists.
It will also depend on your son’s temperament, but that’s something we can’t know in advance. Picturing the boys I went to school with, some of them would have made something really cool out of having an unusual or unexpected name, and some of them would have suffered.
Another consideration is future sibling names. Do you have another name you like for a boy that would work well as a brother name? A name you like for a girl that would work as a sister name? I would guess Harper and Scarlett were sisters, even knowing that Harper is sometimes used for boys—something about the similar sassy style and sound. But I would guess Parker and Scarlett were brother-sister, even knowing that Parker is also used for girls.
Let’s look too at what the name Harper is doing over the years: there’s a difference between a name that’s holding steady at and a name that is widening the gap.
2012: 7154 F, 414 M
2011: 4658 F, 400 M
2010: 2626 F, 341 M
2009: 1901 F, 316 M
2008: 1126 F, 247 M
2007: 727 F, 231 M
2006: 597 F, 195 M
2005: 361 F, 139 M
2004: 274 F, 77 M
2003: 200 F, 72 M
2002: 164 F, 73 M
2001: 176 F, 58 M
2000: 135 F, 47 M
1999: 112 F, 44 M
1998: 93 F, 39 M
From 1998 and 2012, Harper became 10 times more popular for boys and 76 times more popular for girls. In 1998, there were 2-and-a-half times more girls named Harper than boys; in 2012, there were 17 times more girls named Harper than boys. This is not a uniform growth pattern we’re seeing here. If you were asking me about the future of the name Harper, I would tell you that in the United States, it looks to me like the decision is Girl. There was a time of uncertainty (Harper Lee is a woman; occupational names are more often used for boys; musical names are more often used for girls), and perhaps the name will continue to be used sometimes for boys, but this doesn’t look to me like the growth chart of a name like Cameron.
But that’s not what you’re asking me. You’re asking me if it’s okay to use a name for your son that is used mostly for girls in his country, and in fact is a very popular name for girls. And that’s not a question I can answer for you. The cultural bias against using “girl names” for boys (even though it continues to be appealing to use “boy names” for girls) comes from a very ugly concept, and it’s clearly unfair. Is there ANYTHING AT ALL wrong with being mistaken for a girl/woman? Goodness, no. Do many boys/men nevertheless find it embarrassing or difficult, for reasons we can’t turn our minds to without feeling surges of rage? That’s the difficult place, right there: the line between “SHOULD it be this way?” and “IS it this way?”
It sounds to me as if you’re not entirely comfortable with it, and that your husband is. Since he’s the one with the experience being a boy, I’d have some faith in his feelings. On the other hand, the name Harper was not used in his generation, which is going to affect the experiences producing those feelings. An equivalent from his own growing-up days (choosing a birth year for him in the hopes that it will be at least in the ballpark) would be the name Tracy: in 1985, it was given to 358 boys and 2653 girls. Or Shannon, which in 1985 was given to 689 boys and 7713 girls; or Courtney, which was given to 732 boys and 7534 girls that same year. If your husband imagines growing up as a Shannon or a Tracy or a Courtney, that will give him an approximate feeling for how it would be to grow up now as a Harper.
If you do name your son Harper, I suggest giving him a non-quirky and mostly-for-boys name as the middle name. Not only will this help with paperwork and avoid some of the confusion before it starts, it gives him something to fall back on if the name Harper does end up more Ashley than Taylor.
Personally, I would not name a boy Harper as it will be seen by most people as a girl’s name and that’s often hard on boys. I like how Swistle put it. Should it be this way? No. Is it this way? Yes.
That said, I do know a male Shannon and a male Courtney and they both seem to have done just fine and ended up being well adjusted adults despite having a “girl name.”
My sons name is Harper … He was born in 2009
Often I do have to correct people when they say “she” but I actually really love his name and am very very glad we stuck with it !! We get lots of compliments and more and more I hear of boys named Harper 😉
My son is Harper Edison! I know 3 other boy Harper and 2 men named Harper where we live. My son is 2.5 years old. I still love it.
My son is also 2 1/2 and his name is Harper Joseph. We hear girls ALL THE TIME that are named Harper, and while it is annoying, I still absolutely love Harper on our son. It just fits him so well and I couldn’t picture naming him anything else. So far he has a very outgoing, strong, fun personality, so hopefully that will stick with him when he gets to be school age and possibly in a class with several girl Harpers and he can take the teasing that may happen. I figure he can always go by “Joe” if he really wants to.
I have the same concerns for a name I that I totally love – I really want to use the name Skyler for a boy, but worry about its popularity as a girl’s name (even though it’s more commonly spelled Skylar for girls). I’m not sure what I’ll do and if I’ll have the gumption to use it. It’s so hard and sad to give up a name you have your heart on.
I know one Harper, who is a boy, born in 2001, and when introducing him his mom says something like “I didn’t know it was a girl’s name when I used it, I still love the name but he’s going to kill me over it someday.”
I truly don’t mean to be discouraging, I think you and your husband should follow your instinct and decide for yourselves whether or not to use it. I like the name Harper a lot, and I like unisex names in general and wish there was some way to keep them unisex. I knew one Kelly growing up who was a guy, and he was very quiet, but nice and extremely well liked, he pulled off the name and it never seemed like it bothered him but who’s to say. Kids these days will always find something to tease others about, if it isn’t the name it will be something else. Good luck.
Go with Skyler, its a fine male name.
If I saw the spelling Schuyler, I would think boy. Skylar or Skyler would make me assume girl. I’ve seen girls with the -er spelling.
My brother is named Skyler. He’s encountered a few girls with the name Skylar, but never Skyler. And no Schuyler’s yet…
My 25 year old brother is named Skyler. He went through a phase as a teenage of not liking the name. This may have been due to the fact that people would call him Sky, which he hated. But he’s really grown into himself and the name just makes him seem extra badass now. I have to recommend it!
Girls have a significant margin on the boys, so I would not be comfortable using it. If you have any hesitation about it, I would look for a different name. People thinking Harper is a girl will be common for this generation.
I agree totally with swistle, would your husband be ok with a “girl” name. I live in the south and there are lots of men with names that are now “girl” names like Ashley, Courtney and Lidnsey because it is a long lasting family name, and all of these men go by their middle name because they feel their name is not something they like. I think this would be similar for a Harper on a boy, make sure you like the middle name just as much as the first because he is likely to use it, or put Harper in the middle.
I think Harper is already in an Ashley rather than Taylor category based on its numbers. 17 girls to 1 boy Harper in 2012 (thanks Swistle!) are clear odds.
There’s also a general misconception I’ve noticed some people have about Harper’s origins as a name. I’ve encountered several non-name nerd people (well, 2, in separate conversations, but it was enough to be striking) who insisted that Harper is a completely female name, as female as Helen or Hazel, and has only ever been used girls. Both insisted it was an “old-fashioned girls name” and didn’t seem to believe me when I told them its use for girls is very recent. I’m calling it “the Harper Lee effect”. Lee is the only prominent Harper most people have ever heard of, and she’s a “classic” writer (classic= old, established, might as well be the 1800s to a lot of people), and few realize her true first name was Nelle, and la di da. A perceived classic is born. Harper as an old fashioned girls’ name to be revived with Hazel and Iris, etc. I do think this nudges Harper into a special category. Neither Avery nor Addison, other unisex-but-mainly-female-names-at-the-moment, have such a prominent female bearer with a historical air about her.
I’d also wager that Harper is far from done climbing the charts for girls. Too many celebrities have used and are continuing to use the name for their daughters– a pattern that led to the rise of Ava and Isabella a decade ago. We only have the 2012 stats so far, in which Harper is at 24– but that was a leap from 54 in 2011! Huge.
Besides the Harper Lee effect, I would hesitate to recommend naming a boy Harper right now based on those numbers alone, in the same way I’d hesitate to recommend naming a girl Jayden or Aiden or a top 10 boy name. His or her whole life will be spent surprising people over and over regarding their gender, and not in the neutral, unisex, guesswork way of a Jordan, Taylor, Alex, Chris, or Cameron, where people aren’t sure before meeting what their gender is. Many will be certain a Harper is a girl, and be surprised to find out he’s male. How will Harper feel about that? I don’t know. I know I wouldn’t be particularly thrilled to be a female Ryan (a top 20 name for boys the year I was born). My mother considered naming me Sean (even though I was a girl), and I remember being so happy my whole childhood that she’d picked something more feminine.
I don’t think you’d be crazy to use Harper for a boy, at all, but I do think a solidly male middle name that sounds good w/ your surname is more important than usual if you do go for it.
Good luck! Keep us posted!
I also would not use this for a boy. In high school I dated a boy named Aubrey, which was historically a boys name (and was actually an honor name for his grandfather) but in the year we were born it was #619 for boys and #367 for girls. Even being only TWICE as popular for girls than boys at the time of being named, it was an ongoing source of frustration for him. Every first day of school the teacher inevitably looked for a girl. Every time he gave his name he got an eyebrow. He ended up going by his initials because the hassle of going by his actual name was just too much.
Harper is 100% a girls name. I wouldn’t give it to a boy in the same way I wouldn’t name a boy Ava or Sue.
The most famous Harper that I can think of is Harper Lee who wrote “To Kill a Mockingbird.” I think that this book is so popular it gives the name a distinctly feminine twist (I didn’t even know that there were boys named Harper until recently because I always associated the name with Harper Lee).
It’s an ugly truth that girls can have “boy” names but boys can’t have “girl” names and I wish it would go away but I also wouldn’t want to be the person whose name challenges societal conventions. I think Harper comes with too much baggage for a boy and I personally wouldn’t want to carry that around if I were him.
I’m also going to disagree with Swistle about factoring in your particular community- your child may move many times in his life and the circumstances of his current community won’t matter. The national statistics are probably a lot more important.
If you like the name Harper, I’m wondering if you’d like some of these instead?
Archer
Miller
Harris
Harrison
Robinson
Carter
Foster
Good Luck!
Love the suggestion of Archer. Similar feel to Harper.
I wouldn’t use Harper for a boy. It would make me cranky to constantly correct gender assumptions and I’d worry about the schoolyard teasing.
Harper reminds me of Archer and Carver, both names which are still mostly boy names.
Regardless of whether or not you think it SHOULD bother you that Harper is mostly a name given to girls, if it DOES bother you then you shouldn’t use the name for a boy.
There is the possibility your son will have a little girl named Harper in his class or working with him one day. And, unlike the male Courtneys or Tracys out there, your son Harper couldn’t fall back on the whole “Well, it is actually a classic male name and my dear great-grandfather was called Harper…” history. (Even if that’s just something he used in his OWN head to justify it. Because it seems to me Harper was not even a well-established male name before its recent popularity?) Again, if this didn’t concern you, I would say use it – it is a perfectly nice name!
Also, Swistle makes an excellent point about siblings. This is something that would bother me. I think it’d be very difficult to find a name that matched a boy Harper without resulting in questions about the assumed gender of each child.
Of course, some folks might not be bothered by this in the least. But your husband’s argument in favor of Harper is not, “who cares about how the name is currently used, we like it so let’s give it to a boy,” but rather, “the name sounds masculine, so let’s give it to a boy” – so, I would say you’re both pretty attuned to/interested in the gender aspect of names.
And to end this long post – good luck, happy naming, and perhaps you might console yourself with saving Harper for a future daughter! :)
I am not opposed to giving a boy a predominantly girls as long as there is some versatility so that if hates having a girls name, he had options beyond legally changing his name. My ex-husband was named Carmen (family name) and he hated that he was always assumed to be a girl. My current husbands father is named Vivian … He did not want either of his sons to have the burden of that name.
If you love Harper for a boy, here are some options. Harper Leon called Hal. Harper Ethan called Heath. Harper Nicholas called Hank.
Personally, I would choose a different name.
For some reason, I always think Vyvyan is a boys name because of Oscar Wilde’s son. Without the “y’s” it’s a girls name for me.
I’m also in the ‘no’ camp on this one. I’m sorry, but I also agree it’s decidedly feminine and with a future sibling with a name like Scarlett, it makes things even more confusing. I would think the possibility of Harper in the middle might be interesting.
What about:
Parker (swistle’s mentioned it above and I think it could work)
Tristan
Sawyer
Hunter
Rowan
Keegan
Cooper
Sullivan
Hudson
I even see Rowan as a female name. In certain areas for sure, it falls into a “girl-name only” category much like Harper has. I don’t think you would be avoiding the issue of a boy named a typically-used girl name.
I agree that Harper is solidly in the “girl, not unisex” name camp for me. I think a sister named Scarlett would actually compound the issue because they’re both literary references to women. Also, even though Gone With the Wind was published in the 1930s and takes place in the 1800s, while Harper Lee published To Kill a Mockingbird in the 1960s (I think) and it takes place during the 1930s, something about that 1930s overlap (especially because that’s when the GWTW movie came out) makes me think of them as being of the same era. Point being, Scarlett as a sibling name would make me even more strongly assume that Harper was a girl.
I agree with the consensus here. In an ideal world you should be able to use it, but in the actual world it will cause him too many problems. It is employment I would mainly be concerned with; there is still plenty of discrimination there. Here is an eye-opening article: http://whatwouldkingleonidasdo.tumblr.com/post/54989171152/how-i-discovered-gender-discrimination
Short version: This man’s first name is Kim. He sent out many job applications with no bites at all until he changed his resume to say Mr. Kim, at which point he immediately started getting lots of interest.
I would not be comfortable using it. Perhaps you will have the sort of son who would be totally fine with this name, but if you don’t, it could be a serious social problem. And if you have the sort who WOULD be fine with it, he would be fine with another name as well.
or you could give him a middle name that is masculine, and then he can choose with which name he feels more comfortable.
I say go with Harper.
Hmmm, no. Because a masculine middle name doesn’t solve any grade school social problems, unless the ladies’ first name is eliminated entirely from the roster, in which case, there is no point in using the first name.
Great insight, Swistle! This was a particularly satisfying blog post to me. :-)
I agree that at 17:1 for girls:boys, I would not name a son Harper. I haven’t met anyone with this name, but the only “Harper” that comes to mind is the author Harper Lee. I do like the sound of the name though. I like these suggestions for alternatives: Carver, Parker, Archer, Carter. They all have similar vowel sounds to “Harper”.
My husband and I are going through a similar naming issue right now — we both love Emerson for a boy, but girls seem to be taking over the name. We already have a girl name chosen and don’t want to use Emerson for a girl. Emerson is only 2:1 for girls:boys though so they’re not winning by a landslide yet. YET.
Do you like Emmett? Ellis? Or Dashiell? I’m not sure why, but the name Emerson always make me think of Dashiell stylistically.
Go with Emerson, its fine.
I’m going against the grain. I like it for a boy. For me, the suffix -er is inherently masculine, much more than the -ly sound in Ashley, Leslie, and I’ll lump Courtney in there, too, because close enough. And all the female Taylor’s and Tanners don’t change that for me – I have no issue with them being unisex, but they are not inherently feminine names the way Olivia or Ann or Lily are. Plus, it shortens easily: Harp sounds masculine to me, the way Ash and Court do – neither strike me as girlish nicknames.
I’m a Kim, short for Kimberley. I’ve met male Kims, but they were Kimballs. I say go for it.
It seems to me that life can be so tricky to navigate even under the best of circumstances. If, as parents acting on our child’s behalf, it’s possible to anticipate & avoid as simple a difficulty as having to explain one’s name or our-gender-based-on-our-name, that would seem to me to be a bigger gift than bestowing a name with which we’ve become fascinated. I guess I don’t think it’s considerate to put a child in the position of having to be introspective about their name of all things–it would be one thing if you really didn’t know Harper was super popular for girls, but you do. (And yes, totally unfair that it’s acceptable to mistake a girl/woman for a boy/man and not vice versa. And yes, falls in the “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot readily change” category.)
In your position, I’d give a second look at Casper or Jasper as very similar-to-Harper boy names that (at least so far) seem to be mostly used for boys.
I was JUST thinking about this the other day! I might be a little bit biased because Harper is one of my favorite names, but I’d say it’s definitely a girls’ name. I’ll admit, the first time I heard it I thought it was boys’ name…I spent years thinking To Kill a Mockingbird was written by a man! But it’s used so commonly for girls that I don’t think it works very well as a boys’ name. I can think of several Harpers off the top of my head, and they’re all female. It would be a like naming a boy Ava…sound-wise, it could work as a boys’ name (because it’s similar to Asa, Avery, etc.) but there are so many girls named Ava it might be a bit confusing to see a boy with that name.
Swistle! I must know – after a second bit of déjà vu – do you get kick backs from babynamewizard?
Kick backs? I’m not sure I know what you mean. Like…some sort of affiliate thing? No, no connection.
Yes affiliate! I didn’t know what word to use. Ok : )
I absolutely would not name a boy Harper. It is solidly a girl’s name. The only famous Harper is a woman, and it is used so much more for girls than boys that everyone who sees it and reads it will be looking for a little girl. Sure, he might wind up to be a totally well-adjusted adult who loves his name, but it seems like you will have to deal with years and years of headaches before you possibly get to that point. I understand, though. Harper is a wonderful name, and I have many names I *really* wish I would have had the opportunity to use but just couldn’t for one reason or another. Good luck with whatever you choose! :)
I personally think Harper sounds more like a boy name for me but is clearly trending girl & is probably on its way to bring a girl name. However, all I can think of is Harper Stewart (from The Best Man & TBM Holiday ). Taye Diggs is manly enough for me haha. Not sure if that helps you. I think since you are in the fence you should just move on. Could you use it in the middle spot or as a nickname?
I don’t know if this helps, but if you love Scarlett, using a name for your baby boy that has the same “ar” sound might rule out its future use. I’ll throw a few more boys names into the mix with the hopes that you find a boy’s name that you love love love.
Hudson
Cooper
Blake
Jasper
Foster
Griffin
Wesley
Tyson
Nolan
Warren
Elliot
Colton
Holden
Heath
Best of luck!
Harper is all girl to me. I actually always think “Harpy” when I hear it too which isn’t the most attractive of associations.
Parker, Carter and Archer are all great alternatives with a masculine feel to them though,
Best of luck!
While I’m not personally a fan of Harper for a boy, it doesn’t bother me until I think about his siblings’ names – Scarlett and Harper absolutely are sisters to me because of the literary reference. Additionally, both a masculine named brother (Harper and John) or a more feminine/unisex named brother (Harper and Avery) sound to me as sister & brother. This could be my personal preference or region, but I do think it’s a significant consideration.
Also, in my experience it is more difficult to understand current popularity when it’s your first child – there are names I see all over daycare that I never encountered pre-kiddo; what your husband thinks is unisex/masculine might change after he sees several pink Harper cubbies.
Good luck! I love names, but am convinced there’s nothing harder than baby naming!
I would second Archer, Arlo, Carter, & Parker.
What about: Calder, Carper, Harlan, Harmon, Hart, or Marshall?
My husband’s name is Haley, which is a quite common name for women in our age bracket and almost unheard of for men. At first I assumed this would drive him crazy–he is frequently assumed to be female–but it doesn’t bother him at all. We even chose a gender-neutral-but-swinging-female name for our son (Emory, although I do think the alternate Emery/Emory spellings might distinguish it a little). I was hesitant but got on board because it has really never been a big deal for him, and he pointed out several other guys we know who proudly wear names that are considered feminine (Kelly, Taylor). He does has a more masculine middle name that he goes by to immediate family, but he has always been Haley at school and publicly, where it would be most likely to cause confusion. With the way Harper is trending, your son probably will face some misunderstandings/assumptions, but if it is the name you both love and you own it with confidence, I think it can be worn very well and even add an element of surprise/intrigue. If you are having doubts, though, or think it will bother you if Harper does go almost exclusively feminine, then listen to that feeling.
Harper does have a more masculine sound to me, but I would still automatically assume it was a girl name if I heard it. I do think Swistle has a point about some boys dealing better with an unusual name than others. My brother (born in the early nineties) has the dubious honor of being one of the few male Madisons. He goes exclusively by Maddy, pulls it off very well, and is no longer bothered by people being surprised that he has a girl name. That said, if he had a different personality, he could very easily have really struggled with the name. I personally would never knowingly give my son a “girl” name.
I’m in the same boat as everyone else… I wouldn’t do it. Ultimately you guys must decide what you prefer but I personally would not.
Other suggestions:
Parker (one of my favourite)
Heath (other fav)
Archer
Forrest
Foster
Fraser
Griffin
Holden
Hudson
Judson
Harley (kinda a cool retro type name)
Harlen/Harlan (Harlen looks more boy to me)
Jasper
Carter
Carver
Harris or Harrison
Garrison
If you do decide to go with Harper I LOVE one of the previous commenters suggestion of doing a Harper Ethan but called Heath as a nn (although, I’d likely just skip the explanation and go with Heath as official) or something along those lines. I also agree that if you do go with Harper go with a strong, masculine middle name that you guys also really love that he can always fall back onto in case he dislikes his first. Good luck!
I could be wrong but FWIW I don’t think the name Harper is very well known outside the US, and Harper Lee is unheard of.
Would you use Hunter instead?
The Beckhams named their daughter Harper.
I’m from New Zealand and Harper is pretty well known here (I think To Kill a Mockingbird is on every English speaking highschool’s reading list all around the world). About 10 or 15 years ago I would have thought of Harper as unisex but it’s definitely gone to the girls now.
I must agree with the majority, I wouldn’t be comfortable using Harper for a boy nowadays. I also think paired with Scarlett, it reads more feminine.
What about Hayden nn Hayes, or just Hayes?!
I love Swistle’s last point. Ask your husband to imagine being named Courtney or Shannon when making the decision.
I don’t think it would be horrible to use Harper for a boy, but I wouldn’t personally do it.
If the name hadn’t become a girl’s name, and if I hypothetically had a little guy named Harper, I think I might end up calling him “Harp” a lot of the time. That makes me curious whether “Harp” on its own could work as a first name, period, and if so, whether it would read masculine or feminine. Angus at angus-land.com just reminded me that the harp is the symbol of Ireland, so that could be a neat connection if it’s in your family history or you have an affinity for it.
If you do decide to nix Harper, I wonder if maybe you’d like Holden, Thatcher, or Hudson instead? Or maybe something like John Harper or Harper John, so you could use the double name? Such a hard decision. I, too, think it depends on the popularity of the name where you live. Best of luck!
I’d say go with Harper. I know guys named Mackenzie, Ashley, Courtney, Shannon, right when those names were at the most popular for girls, and they were fine with it. They turned out to be sociable guys and now all of them are well with their lives. People just dont care, it’s a name. Especially considering those names are male in origin, that’s a plus. It’s not like you’re naming him Catherine.
And another point, kids will pick on anything to tease about, whether you name him Harper or John. When I went to high school I knew guys named Mackenzie and Ashley who got through it fine, were actually quite popular with everybody, and really sociable, never got teased. And I knew guys named John, Michael and James who were teased endlessly, including their names. Why? Because it’s all in the attitude they have, their confidence, the way they interact with others.
Most people have no clue what to expect when they meet me, considering both my names are unisex. Some people expect a guy, other people a girl. I dont cry or yell at people who might expect a girl. What’s the big deal? They see you’re a guy, now they know. It’s really how you carry the name that makes a difference. I really didnt have any issues growing up, kids dont care. It’s also up to the parents to make sure they dont care, if you say Harper isnt ok because of a) or b), then you’re just perpetuating a cycle of bias and double standards.
Although I think Harper is a wonderful name, I will always think “girl” when I hear it or read it. This may be a Harper Lee connection? While I, personally, have no problem with this, I have to point out that this will be an issue for your child later on in the academic and professional marketplace.
Most colleges and workplaces are aiming for gender equity, and that means paying close attention to the gender of applicants. Colleges, especially, may become confused and clarify this several times with your son. I saw this happen many times when I worked in a graduate recruitment department at a university, almost always to girls with names like Payton and Dillon.
Of course, it’s easy to clarify. They’ll call, and your son will say “yes, I’m a boy” and that will be the end of it. He may need to do that many times–for every scholarship application. And in the workplace, he’ll need to put “Mr.” before everything (on his resume, applications, ect.) so that the hiring office knows. They might miss it, though, and still be surprised when a man comes in for the interview.
Personally: I wouldn’t let any of this dissuade me from my perfect name, but it is a serious consideration. I hope it’s helpful (and not just contrary). Good luck.
What about the idea of Harbor….sounds like Harper, yet it’s a noun name and the meaning is so lovely…a haven where ships seek shelter from stormy weather; a safe place.
I’m with everyone else, I would not use Harper . I’m sorry, mama. It’s tough to find a name you love and then hear so many people tell you, nope, not really for a boy. At the same time though, I’d think about my son and the chance that he would not do well with that name. As Swistle said, he might be fine with it but he might be sensitive and struggle. I didn’t even realize Harper was used for boys. I thought it was solely a girl’s name. Please let us know what you decide and if you’d like other suggestions besides the ones given here!
Swistle, Thank you for posting my question!
My husband and I are considering your advice and the opinions of all the commenters.
My husband believes that having a “girl” name would not bother him. However, He has a common, traditional, masculine name, maybe it is hard for him to really imagine what being a man named Tracey or Courtney would be like. Despite the normalcy of his name he had a pretty rough time, being bullied in school, so I think the way he sees it, if kids want to pick on someone they will find something.
We do live in an area where a lot of little boys (and girls) have unisex type names like Emerson and Hayden, so I think that helps. It is true that we, or later our son, might someday move to another area where this is not the case. But, I think gender confusion is an issue that might be most bothersome to a little boy and not a big deal to an adult man, so I do think the types of names in our area matter.
So, we are currently still leaning towards Harper.
My Nephew is Quinn and like Harper back in the day it was a boys name but these days Quinn seems to have gone to the girls! When ever I talk about my nephew Quinn people always assume he is a girl! Even having a nephew Quinn, the name in my head is still a girls name and I worry he might have a hard time at school. I think Harper is the same, many years ago it might have worked but today I think its a girls name. Yes kids will always find a reason to bully someone if they want to but you dont want to give them a reason to target him.
I can’t see the problem that others see. There are plenty of boy Harpers around, and personally I love boys names like Kimberley, Isidore, Alison, Elisha, Aubrey. Names that have ‘gone to the girls’ are especially striking and handsome on man, I think, and your child will be a man for much longer than he is a school-aged boy.
Best wishes!
I agree with you. I really like Ariel for a boy (like Ari Emanuel’s full name).
Also, go you, LW–be a little subversive with your gender roles! If even the people who are more or less okay with it don’t do it, who will?
I definitely wouldn’t name a boy Harper. To me, it’s really no longer unisex, but a girl’s name now. Would you name a boy Amelia? Or Lillian? (Those are ranked #22 and #24 for girls, respectively).
I do think Harper is a great name though. Could you save it for a possible future daughter? I think Harper and Scarlett make great sister names.
What do you think of Harbor for a boy? It may be too close to Harper and cause more problems than solving any. But I think it’s a great alternative. Appellation Mountain has mentioned Harbor on occasion.
http://appellationmountain.net/prosper-sage-merit-virtue-names-for-boys/
Oooops, excuse me! Harper is at #24, and Amelia and Lillian are at #23 or #25.
I also wanted to mention a conversation I had with my husband right after I read your letter. We were both born in the 80’s, so I asked him how he’d have felt growing up as a male Courtney. He said he would’ve gone by his middle name!
I am the mother of a delightful 7.5-year old son, Harper Mason Douglas (yes, we went with 2 middle names). He has a younger brother Archer (who goes by Archie) and and older sister Evie (short for Evelyn). When Harper was about a year old, various celebrities started naming their daughters Harper, which really rocketed the name for girls skyward. I was very chagrined that what I thought was a charming, masculine name had become so much more popular with girls. However, very rarely do we meet people who question his name; much more often we get compliments on the charm and delightfulness of his and his siblings’ names.
I don’t worry it will go the way of Ashley, Shannon, Tracy or Courtney. I think it is much more likely that it will swing towards the center like Jordan, Cameron and MacKenzie. I say go for it- my Harper has never been teased about his name, and he is aware that it is becoming a popular name for girls. He simply loves his names so much that he wears them and proclaims them with pride!
My son is Harper and my daughter is Evelyn (Evie)! Great taste in names :)
I named my son Harper this year, and I love it! There have only been a couple of people who have mistaken him for a girl, but that happens with all babies. Overall, I feel like people really seem to like the name and are happy that we used it for a boy. Also, the name does not seem to be very common in my city. I have only ever met one girl Harper around 4 years old and one other baby boy Harper.
Obviously, I think Harper is a great name for a boy. I think that people should forget all this “going to the girls” stuff and use the names they like. Addison, Courtney, Kim, Tracy are all very intriguing and interesting names for boys, in my opinion. With so many unisex names out there, who cares if more girls or more boys have it?
I named my son Harper in 2015. I had it on my baby name list and my husband preferred it over many decidedly masculine names. His middle name is unisex as well, and it’s a wonderful combination.
I have two sons, Harper and Archer. Harper was born before the name took off with celebrity popularity, and before it started to be considered a girl name. He loves it. He wears it with pride. He knows it is now a popular girl name, but he is happy to stand firm in his belief that it is a perfectly appropriate name for him and other boys. Archer (Archie) was born and named before that name started increasing in popularity. Along with their older sister Evie, they are always complimented on their uncommon – but not unusual- names.